Monday, January 4, 2010

My recent life changes

I am without husband and it happened suddenly, but I think the relationship ended for me about a year ago. What he did may seem insignificant, but it hurt me in a way that made me feel that if I had limited years why waste them.

Over a year ago I went to stay with my sister for two weeks as she worked from home after having my gorgeous niece. I left grocery money and even went as far as to write a meal planner for the whole two weeks.

Needless to say, that didn't work and the kids were absolutely sick of pizza by the time I got home.

He also cleaned nothing, but he did go through my drawers to "re-arrange" I had a bottle of baclophen hid that found it's way out... hmmmmm imagine that.

I then find out from my children he had been busy on the phone and texting. Well he hadn't been texting me, so who was he? It turned out it was another woman. One night they talked for four hours. Oh, it was innocent of course. I then found out he had been talking to her on the sly throughout our whole marriage and relationship. He was talking to her on school nights and times he was gone so I wouldn't know.

But, it was all okay because she was just complaining about her marriage. Ahem, any woman knows that this is lining up the next potential. I forgave him, but it occurred to me that if I had limited time would I want to spend it with someone who obviously didn't respect me? Even after I found out he didn't stop or ever say, my wife means more to me, so I can't be your man on the side.

So, in reflection I think what little hope I had of being treated as the beautiful woman I am died. He lied to me, he snuck behind my back and he continued it after I found out and told him it was not okay with me.

Again, in retrospect he always seemed to be looking for the big one to "divorce" me and he did so many things to push me away. He didn't want to be married. That takes work.

Now he is back where I met him at, living with his mommy and daddy. Using their cars and cooking expensive side dishes on their budget.

No job, not going to college and set up fat in a million dollar home with his undying support from his family.

He hasn't even pursued the social routes to get money, lowered rent or any of the things an adult does when they should be facing homelessness. Why? Because he won't be evicted, he won't go without. He won't have to budget to feed four people. He can simply sit around all day and do nothing. He can go to his AA meetings and occasionally look at a job and thats enough.

So, yeah I am over him and have been since last year. I thought ya' know marriage is hard, I made vows; however, his lack of respect and drug induced rages left us all hurt.

We do have counseling that will address out left over issues, but my karma and chi sparkles now that he is not around. I love myself and deserve to be loved, really loved so if and when I meet another man that is my qualifications. Real love and respect. Compromise and hard work can do anything else, but ya' gotta love and respect me first.

5 comments:

Getty72 said...

JoJo, you are a truly amazing woman who brings sunshine to many peoples lives. I read in your post about a man who didn't realise how lucky he was to have such a lovely wife and children, a man who found the self destruct button and decided to press it. JoJo, you do sparkle and you really do deserve so much better. The two things I admire about you, above all your other beautiful qualities, is your ability to communicate from the heart and your golden determination. You have a passionate and fighting spirit. You are a true inspiration, and I am so fortunate to be able to call you a true friend.

jojo said...

Graham, I so wish you lived closer so I could hug you for that. I am not the only one who inspires. Your heartfelt comments always make me smile and feel so much better. I feel like the fortunate one, as I have you in my life. I think of you often and in low moments have your comments to help me keep my determination. Thank You. Seriously from my deepest depths Thank You! xoxoxoxoxox

Blasé said...

hmm, seems Getty72 may be that prince charming you've been waiting for...just sayin'

jojo said...

If it were only so easy.... Graham lives in england... but shhh don't tell I have a terrible crush on him!

Tara R. said...

I am so sorry all this happened to you and your children. I hope you all can heal and move forward to a happier, and healthy life. May 2010 bring you all joy and peace.