Thursday, December 17, 2009

So it's really happening?

Up until now, everything has moved at such a frantic pace it has seemed surreal. I have simply been in do mode. Last night I cracked and yelled at the kids. My youngest had eaten a kiwi and thrown it's outer parts on the floor. Also, in the last week while I was collapsing at night the boys decided that two boxes need air holes, lots of them.

I know that they are under just as much stress if not more as they will be changing schools. Wannabe is pissed off because she has a niche in her school and I am making her leave it. Both boys have neighborhood friends that they could play with almost anytime.

Christmas will be slim, but realistic. The older two are happy with just getting gift cards so they can get what they really want, but my lil' one remembers christmas's past where the tree was dwarfed by packages.

I finally have felt the urge to cry. Something strangely absent since my return home. I guess life has slowed down enough that feelings are starting to seep through. I was starting to think something was wrong with me. This is a sad, yet happy situation. I know that once again, I can do it alone. This time life is different as I am building support systems. I am not going to shoulder all the responsibilites alone. This is big!

So, life begins in 2010 with me awake, aware and alive.

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