The last year has just been rough. I spent 6-8 months on an injectable medication that I did not do well on. It was so bad that at one point I was mostly bed bound. My focus by medical direction then changed to an incurable tumor. I guess if there was any silver lining to all of this I have learned to live in the moment.
It is a difficult sometimes unachievable task, but having talked to others I have found that persons faced with their own mortality often become able to re-adjust their priorities. When faced with the possibility of not being around much longer what is most important becomes very clear.
I have learned to measure my days by simple pleasures. Snuggling with my boyz on the couch and having true conversations matter.I have found that focus on what is good is so important. Learning to accept my limitations has just been hard. My happy little ( and I do mean little) garden is a great joy to me. Sometimes I just feel less than adequate as 5 years ago I could have planted my entire garden in a few hours. This year I have had to spread it out over weeks.
I think one such example of me happily being in the moment occured while I was in the airport in Seattle. I think of this episode as the " miracle water woman."
I was sitting and enjoying my third ( yes three) and final meal of salmon as I prepared to come home. Off topic, I must say if ever in Seattle EAT THE SALMON! Anyhoo, it was a feast for the senses. Each bite of the pink fish flaked and melted in my mouth. It swam in a rich buttery sauce interspersed with chunks of roasted red peppers. It co-existed with a gorgeous nutty pilaf dancing with pine nuts, plump raisins and soft sauteed scallions.
While I was savoring each bite with glee an airport weirdo lay in wait. As I rested and enjoyed my full belly amazing food high a walking medalion wearing, fancy electro-modified water misting woman emerged.
I was having a moment. I had just enjoyed an awesome meal and I was gazing across the courtyard area marveling the well balanced hanging plants and the ease at which most travelers were lounging.
She approached me saying " I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I have been noticing that you have an amazing aura and you look so at ease and content. I have been watching you and seeing you eat was like an elegant ballet. Everyone should eat the way you were, you just chewed each and every bite." I didn't say to her that the salmon was borderline orgasmic good, but I appreciated the compliment. I also think other people must have noticed my happy food moment as the lounge area I was sitting in suddenly became full of people deciding they would eat something after all.
I never did fully catch what she was selling/promoting but I did score a squirt bottle of electro-modified "miracle water." She also gave me a tea bag that included some type of mega-mushroom compound. I kinda giggled at the thought of the " miracle water," but I have found that misting myself with water when I feel too hot is kinda helpful. Becoming overheated causes M.S. to worsen, so hey I have found some good benefit.
I guess the point of all of this other than making myself really crave some salmon is that despite all this crap I have dealt with I have found one wonderful benefit. I have learned to live in the moment and fully appreciate good things around me. I know for fact that people sometimes search their entire life in search of a zen-like state. Maybe it's like most things in life, the journey is hard, unexpected and involves a price some may not be willing to pay.
Oh, and no matter where I go I am like a bug light. The weirdo just tend to flock to me, I wonder what that says about me? HMMMMMMM?
Happy Memorial day weekend all!