Friday, November 5, 2010

How long?

For those who follow know my daughter wannaberockstar, tried to committ suicide this summer, since that time we have been living in a state of terror level red. She terrorizes me when she does not get what she wants. I say "no" to anything and we are looking at a 20-50 minute fight. These fights happen almost everyday.

She has convinced atleast one family member who has never even met The Indian that of course he is terrorizing her. He has been able to do what I find my worst personal parenting failing, he has provided consistency. Groundings do not get forgotten, or badgered away.

Amongst this stress my car died a day before payday. I had to borrow money from my childrens father and she was expecting money for a phone card. She has actually had the nerve to say things such as " I wouldn't ask for your phone if you hadn't taken the money for your CAR." As if we could go without transportation?????

These daily fights are affecting my health, I am pushed into a relapse any time I break down and finally loose my temper, and trust me it takes a lot to get me to that point. How long can I handle this? How long before she is on the right medication? Do I really have 5 years before she's ready for college?

We have counseling and will have a personal psychiatric worker who is supposed to model appropriate behavior and help deal with the big familial issues. It will be a good month before she can start getting this help. Bigger question being can we make it another month?

Any words of wisdom, good karma, blessings or prayers would be appreciated.


Rhonda said...

Oh, child! I understand everything that you are going through. Please remember that what you are going through IS COMPLETELY NATURAL! Every mother who has raised a teenage daughter feels your pain. I raised teenage twin girls, by myself. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. They can be ruthless. They are relentless when they want something. i have found that the trick is to stand-up to them - let them know that you are the parent and that you will not tolerate such behavior. Reward them when necessary to show them that good behavior pays off and that doing the "right thing" will always get them where they want to be. The rock-star sounds like she's a handful, BUT DO NOT FEAR BECAUSE THERE IS HOPE! My girls even became physically violent with me one time as teenagers and today we are close and they call me whenever they need advice or luv. The most important advice I can give is to model good behavior. Let here know she is loved, but poor behavior will not be allowed. This WILL get better. Breathe, and realize that this is a natural phase of motherhood. DO NOT let her get to you or bring you down, especially if you have other children in the house. They need you too!clipsh

Anonymous said...

I think your daughter is having some of the same issues you had at her age, so I think some of it is genetics, some of it is environment, and some of it is parenting.

I honestly believe it would be best if your boyfriend at least moved out. There is no need to break up, but obviously the relationship is negatively affecting your daughter. There have been a lot of men in your life that she's dealt with coming and going, and I think that has contributed to her issues. That, and the simple fact of her age and being a teen.

IMO, if you want to do what's right, take a step back, realize that the biggest issue that she is saying she has is your boyfriend, and have him move out. You can stay together but he doesn't have to be around all of the time, and it would really benefit her, I think. She should be your #1 priority, not your relationship with him.

I think that would go a long way towards showing her how important she is to you and that you are hearing her and want her to be happy.

jojo said...

Annoymous, I think this is the most passive agressive way to deal my situation and focus on your own broken man. I do focus on her once again, read.... counseling, psr worker,and as Rhonda kindly said this is a part of life. I also just got counseled today that she is going to pick some one today to be the bad person and even when he is gone, the battles do not stop. For the last time, why don't you remember YOUR teenaged years. I am ashamed to call you family with your new because I have babies I know it all attitude. As a person I used to consider my best friend, get a grip and focus on your own broken husband. I will be moderating comments from this point forward.Good day and be careful, this could create a rift that will become very hard to heal.

Rhonda said...

In response to Anonymous: I think that everyone deserves to be happy. I know a lot of women who are single parents often times forget to focus on themselves because they are so involved in parenting and busy with the kids. Life is about balancing the demands and responsibilities that come with it. The kids should be first priority, but JoJo deserves to be happy too. Dealing with these specific issues requires a lot of emotional strength on JoJO"s behalf. I know that with the right support and sound encouragement she can get through this. But do not give up, JoJo. Listen to your heart when it tells you what the next indicated step is to diffuse these fights and situations. The maternal instinct is a voice that all mother's have inside of them that never dies, but can be quieted by the loud demands of other issues that we have going on in our lives. The love a mother has for her child is eternal and everlasting. It is undoubtedly so important to put the children first, but at the same time YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS TOO!! Again, I know you can do this JoJo!

jojo said...

Thank you Rhonda, I am so, so tired of this person judging me. They don't know me, they don't know what's in my heart. My boys are so happy with structure he helps provide and who knows what is in my heart. With my m.s., its not unusual for me to forget groundings and the such, so he is helping and because I love her we are getting counseling and any help out there. I am not ashamed of anything in my life. I asked for prayers and good blessing not someone who thinks they know how to live my life. Anyway thank you for your help. It is greatly appreciated.

Mrs4444 said...

I am so happy for you and your daughter; that you have resources to help with this. I'll keep you in my prayers that you can make it to the day they are fully in place. Good luck!

JoJo, did we meet way back when Cre8buzz was around? I recognize your profile pic but think the blog is different. Yes?

jojo said...

yes I am the same JoJo and my profile pic is same. I found as many cre8buzz members as I could and listed them, but I missed alot of the people. I should have started blogging earlier so I could blog roll because, I actually read alot of blog entrys that way. Too bad it was so poorly managed, I wish they would have given us a week or so notice instead of just disapearing one day.