Just JoJo

goodbye just jojo

2011-03-20T13:34:00.000-07:00

just jojo has been just so/so for a while so I have created a new blog it is my attempt to see blessings despite whatever stress and drama of the day, so if you want to follow meet me over at My Bliss

The relapse

2011-03-03T13:50:00.000-08:00

She sneaks in quietly like a thief in the night or comes at you like a freight train as you are tied to the tracks watching.

This one has been a freight train, I saw it coming it was overwhelming stress pure and simple. No amount of zen would stop this puppy.

The stress, what does it matter it's all the same, my now 14 year old daughter making my life hell, my children who refuse to help me around the house or cry like two year old's when made to, what does it matter... It all results in the same.

I am walking into walls, loosing my words, unable to focus on conversations, completely miss out on comments made to me (which incidentally pisses the speaker off) and still have to pull the lions share around the house if I don't want to live in a pigsty.

Am I complaining, absolutely do I think anyone actually reads my crap anymore, not really. So there it is I have been gone because my body is not cooperating and I do not know when it will again. Whoo-hooo three cheers for this suck ass disease I have to call my own.

My M.S. story

2011-01-31T10:14:00.000-08:00

my story
I guess this is my story about my journey with m.s. So...(also posted here)

The summer of '07 I spent a week at a lake with my family! I rested through alot of it, but I basically baked. When we came home my hand was numb in three fingers. Weird, okay, so I told my doctor about it and we thought nerve entrapment. So a routine mri was scheduled.

I Took my Valium and tried to zen and yoga breathe through my first mri. Later that day, I was called back for another MRI NOW. They would not say why, but I went in at midnight. By then I had read my referral and was freaking out!

I got to a neurologist very quickly and well he said m.s. almost immediately. I have a large lesion at C2 that was suspect. So, I did another MRI in three months, repeat x 2. This continued until I went through what was personal hell of a lumbar puncture.

Again, he said he felt it was M.S., but most of my other tests were negative and I didn't really have any spots on the brain.

So, I started copaxone on a more than likely diagnosis. Long story short, I moved to Idaho and got a new neurologist. More MRI's and she questioned the M.S. diagnosis. So I stopped the copaxone and waited for an answer again.

I ended up at a M.S. specialist in Seattle. Another Mri and this time spots showed on my brain. As for my monster lesion at C2, she felt I have a brain, body disconnect and may change as I age. ( I personally say screw that, there will be the right medication or a cure first )

So I went home to grieve and then start what I consider the worst 4 months of my life, taking rebif. OMG It was pure hell. I have been offered tysabri which I declined, but I await the gilenya data after its been out a for a little bit longer.

I take a bucket of medication and right now I am doing well. I walk into walls and forget my words, loose concentration, coordination, and sometimes wake up in excruciating pain, but I am okay!

Overall, I am in love and happy to be alive. I am a woman who has m.s., m.s. does not have me!

Priceless

2011-01-27T15:51:00.000-08:00

Tonight I took the kids to a school sponsored event, meh... the good part was before.
I stopped off at a gas station to feed the Indian's tobacco fix and OMG I got carded!
In her word's " I thought you were borderline!"

God Bless convenience store workers, I have been feeling especially sensitive about the way I look and that was the pick me up I needed! It put a spring in my step and a grin on my face! I'm sure you felt it sparkle from here!

Sending good karma to you all so that someone may spontaneously make your week too!

back again

2011-01-24T10:16:00.000-08:00

No, I have not disappeared again, I have been devoting my efforts to here, a group effort blog to share inspiration to all my M.S. friends and family!

Please feel free to stop by, you might be surprised at what you learn! It is still in it's infancy, but I hope great things will come of it! I have mentioned before that those of us stuck with this dis-ease share a bond that can only be understood within, it is a special thing, and I am lucky to have found such great friends!

Unity in suffering?

2011-01-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

In my alter cyber land of the facebook I have joined a group of people on the National Multiple Sclerosis Site page. People ask questions, post about symptoms talk about treatments and the normal sort of deal. And then there is this....

There is a treatment option that is surgical, essentially angioplasty known as CCVSI..

Wiki says..

Chronic cerebro-spinal venous insufficiency (CCSVI) is a term used to describe compromised flow of blood in the veins draining the central nervous system. It has been hypothesized to play a role in the cause of multiple sclerosis (MS).[1][2] This hypothesis was first put forth by Paolo Zamboni in 2008.[3][4] An endovascular intervention for the syndrome has been attempted however further research is required to determine if the benefits outweigh the risks of the procedure.

The hypothesis and procedure has generated optimism among people with MS but received skepticism from the majority of the medical community as the procedure may lead to serious complications while its benefits have not been proven.[5][6] In addition concern has been raised with Zamboni's research as it was neither blinded nor controlled[5] and further studies in 2010 had variable results.[7][8] This has raised serious objections to the hypothesis of CCSVI originating multiple sclerosis.[9] Additional research efforts investigating the CCSVI hypothesis are underway.

I have met a few people lucky enough to have had the "liberation" proceedure and they're lives have been drastically changed. Many for the better, one with complications of clots. There are miracle stories happening here. I hope that one day it will become a mainstream option.

Meanwhile there is the controversy... OMG the controversy. On facebook as you collect a group of people most of which do not work, are kinda bored and maybe weird and you get some wingnuts. There are literally people whos mission seems to be to bash anyone who's had the proceedure and who are so "anti" they want it banned. I have watched grown adults bicker and fight and literally tongue lash one another until I am saddened and a bit nauseus. I can only guess that they literally have nothing better to do. Then you add in the advocates and the fights and words and accusations swirl.

It would be entertaining if it was not so dad gum sad. Everyone wants freedom from the toxic environment from which our bodies are caught! Making the environment around them toxic is a choice. Not much else I can say than mean people suck!

Just plain cranky

2011-01-09T17:13:00.001-08:00

The Indian started what will be a full time well paying job and for the last two weeks has worked 2-10pm. I swear I feel like a single mother again. My obnoxious children have decided to yell at me when not openly being defiant.

We are all in counseling, and I am johnny on the spot most days. This last week being an exception as I had an UTI and spent the week in a semi-feverish daze. I am no means super mom, but damn I am trying and do not deserve the mouths I am getting.

I hope this is just another change time see what we can get away with dealy? Maybe I should start a talley board of who's doing what each day and at a certain number loose privildedges. Nah, no maybe just did it. I am going to skin this bird one way or another.

They know the rules, now it's time to make them understand I mean buisness. And I mean buisiness! Older parents any helpful hints?

my secret confession

2011-01-03T20:51:00.001-08:00

I am a bag lady! No you wont find me on a corner, but you might find me drooling over some nice reusable shopping bags or buying a new purse each season. A girl can never have enough bags! Shoes, pah, they hurt, but a bag has a million potentials.

I have my bucket of medication bag, my purse, my favorite re-usables for well you never know and yes people my low point was when I was impressed with the garbage bag with handles. Sickness? Maybe, but every body has to collect something

Inside my purse, I have a lil' heart shaped coin bag, a tiny bag that just holds my cell phone, a clip pouch bag for my credit cards and such and of course the make up bag. So, yes I have bags for my bags!

So, there it is my secret confession is out, I am a proud bag lady!

Happy new year my peeps!

2010-12-31T16:40:00.000-08:00

Wishing everyone a blessed and Happy New Year, I hope it is as wonderful as I know mine will be! May 2011 come roaring in like a tiger!

NERVE CELL FACTS FROM GIANT MICROBES

2010-12-29T06:45:00.000-08:00

Facts: there are a lot of different kinds of nerve cells. Motor neurons shock our muscles into action. Motor neurons shock our muscles into action; sensory neurons in our eyes and ears are stimulated by light and sound, on our nose and tongue by chemicals for small and taste and on our skin by touch; and an untold number of other intereruons transmit impulses within the central nervous system and the brain. But they all work in a similar way.

When the dendrites on the dendric tree of the body of a nerve cell receive a a sufficiently strong signal, it irresistibly triggers an electrical impulse inside the cell that travels down the long thing axon ( which is protected by a fatty myelin sheath). When the impulse reaches the axon terminal at the base of the nerve, special signaling chemicals are released that float across the gap (or synapse) between one nerve cell and the next and process continues.

Most nerve cells are tiny. But some are as long as your leg, literally. They extend al the way from the base of the spine to the tips of your toes.But unlike most cells, nerve cells cannot reproduce- or if they get injured, loss of feeling and even paralysis can occur. (Abnormalities in the neurotransmitters or in the nerve cell itself can also lead to conditions such as Alzheimers disease, Parkinson's disease or MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS ).

But don't get nervous; nerve cells are shockingly reliable. And if you are feeling jittery, it's probably the neurotransmitters that are to blame anyway. So wipe off your sweaty palms, take a deep breath , close your eyes and listen to some music, smell something sweet.... and relax. Your nerves will help you do it!

Recently someone asked why m.s. affected the nerves and caused pain. This is one of the best explanations and a great toy!

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T10:06:00.000-08:00

I'm cleaning for my date with Santa tonight, and listening to my oldest hum Christmas songs. Nothing like knowing what you're getting to make a kid hum!

I am hoping you all have a reason to hum and smile today and tomorrow. Merry Christmas to you all and may you have a blessed New Year!

The year in revue...

2010-12-21T20:21:00.000-08:00

Hmmm, this year I...

-met the Indian, whom I love dearly.

-got new medication options for which I await new data.

-saw amazing changes in the world of M.S.

-began the long healing process with my oldest daughter.

-saw the first major rift with a close family member.

-joined a sweet little Methodist church

-met some great new blogger's who I follow religiously

-saw the demise of one of my favorite blogs, If Mom says so. And watched a beautiful resurrection in Tara R's new blog!

-survived a medical scare which resulted in a new lifestyle for the man I love.

-lived a full year, remaking my life in a foreign land with I feel favorable results.

-adopted an adorable, but ornery Siamese kitten.

-tried to live each day to it's fullest, often failing but determined to keep trying.

What more can be said.... I lived 2010!

Broken fences

2010-12-15T08:28:00.000-08:00

How do you mend something that seems really broken? My mother is wanting me to come to some place with my estranged family member and I am just not so sure it can be done, or if I even want to do it.

She is the average age of a new grandmother and just starting life as a mother. I remember those years when life was all about babie(s) and you are just keeping up with sprouting developmental levels. I am six years younger and have one child in middle childhood (9), one sprouting pre-teen. (11) and a full blown this is war teenager (almost 14).

Needless to say my child rearing issues are much different. I am not a perfect mother, no where close, but I do love my children and I am trying to learn how to deal with the newer challenges. If I cared less I would not be going out of my way to learn and implement life changes to suit the needs.

Yes, I wish my children's memories of home are idyllic, but they're bio dad was crap. They do remember mom always taking care of them through the years. Yes, I wish my life was not affected by a chronic disabling disease, but that's out of my hands folks.

I DO realize how I deal with these issues is the true answer to the question. I am, with the occasional reminder due to memory lapses, much more consistant when it comes to rules and consequences. I know it makes my boyfriend seem like the bad guy, but he remembers things where I do not, fact of life. I know just making this change to consistency is destroying the strategies of pester mom into it, or " she'll never remember grounding me anyway...." This means that their behavior is on a new level ... what can we do to get our way with mom. It is aggravating. It is annoying. It is pull out hair, drive ya' crazy madness at times. It is what it is.

I have good hopes with our new counselor and psycho-social rehabilitation that will help all of us learn new stress strategies. I can say when I am overwhelmed, I do not exhibit the best role modeling. I struggle especially if I have a battle in the house compounded by a breakdown or two.
Today was rare, there was no screaming, yelling, name calling, accusation hurling breakdown. Yay, one day... I'll take it!

So, as we prepare for Christmas, I wish I could do something for the babies, but a new car emergency has left us leaner than usual. I would not cut her kids out, but I understand this is not a shared idea. I am not one to hold a grudge, but I also do not feel as if I should be the one always backing down, taking the crap. I also am discouraged at the level of manipulation that was allowed by my teenager. They thrive on causing drama between people and if she can get an "adult" on her side, then she feels victorious.

I'm not perfect, my boyfriend is not perfect, but we are committed to this relationship which means commited to raising these children. I can not speak for him, but I will always be their mother. I plan on keeping my boyfriend as he is my prince, but that is in the works. We are working on a year which despite the drama and sickness has been a good year for "us." I have found love and it is good. Surely, that is a basis of which good things can build?

I believe...

2010-12-14T10:32:00.000-08:00

Kind souls are recognized. Recently, I have had two different women with M.S. search me out and use me as a sounding board, advice giver.

I am hesitant with the advice, but I do give it when asked. One girl "S" needs virtual hugs and prayers so bad it scares me. In one month, she has been diagnosed, treated with mega-steroids, gotten a bizzare depersonalization disorder overnight. Her boyfriend just decided now that she's broken he does not love her. She is struggling with the will to live. With all that, I probably would too. In my case, I have a family to live for so drastic thoughts are just not viable. I just want to grab her up and take her home, feed her and smack her boyfriend.

Another girl may be coming out of denial about her M.S. This I totally understand. I spent almost two years in denial. I wanted ANYTHING, anything but M.S. I was willing to take my chances with cancer of the spinal cord. A year and a half and good meds later, I am okay with it. The good meds really were the key. Thank God for some Geodone. It has me up, happy and able to deal with my teenagers drama, sorta.

I feel honored people have sought me out. I don't know everything, but I have got my head around this disease... for the most part. People who just meet me wouldn't know that I am so caring and kind. I hide behind a mean face.... nah, I am just a little shy. It takes a little time for me to open up to people.

I hope I can continue this role in the future. Helping people was my job, now it just feels like a calling.

Cats love christmas too...

2010-12-12T14:57:00.000-08:00

Or so their stocking says.... Yes, I am a neurotic pet owner who does not leave the critters out on Christmas.

Last year my proud Alpha male opened his stocking while we were out celebrating on christmas eve. He even chewed through the plastic to get out the mice inside. I found a scrap of fur and a piece of clay laying next to it. He struted around like king o' the castle for days afterwards.

Einar is one special cat. I don't think I have talked about him, but man this cat is big! He can stand on his rear paws and touch my kitchen counter. Drinking from the toilet, no problem he just sticks his front two paws in and goes for it. And the tail.... Oh My God! We measured his tail.... 13 inches. Something any male should be proud of, heehee.

This year we introduced Simon the siamese kitten and well, I personally think they play together at night when we sleep. During the day however; a whole new vocab has come out of my big boy's mouth. He just came in to the bedroom and raised a ruckus because he found the little one oh too near his daddy. They are both now sleeping about a foot away from each other with a pillow seperating the two like the berlin wall.

My cats entertain me way too much. I guess this is a by product of being stuck at home and well being easily ammused. So, yes my cat's love christmas too. Can't wait to pull out the lazer toy. Fun for all....

As I ponder life at 5 am

2010-12-11T03:56:00.000-08:00

A few thoughts....

1. Icy hot burns so good. It is a big part of my antispasmodic arsenal.

2. I have the smartest Neurologist ever.... He knows so much and is always current on his data.

3. I am offically done christmas shopping, waiting on the last minute gifts to wrap, but done with time to spare!

4. Being up this early just sucks!

5. I have decided that life hasn't killed me so I have achieved super hero status. I am the official M.S. avenger, I will not rest until all nerve and brain cells are safe!

6. A facebook friend has joined me as Mighty Myelin, we will find a cure for this disease before it gets on our last nerves!

7. I can not wait for my Mike the Chimp grafitti coloring book! I am prepared and waiting with special markers. I found the coolest crayola super neon's with varities of two and three tips. Fun!

8. My daughter has started her psycho-social rehab and I think it's gonna be a God send.

9.I am boring even myself on my blog....

10. Merry Christmas, I love you each and every one!

Who could pass it up?

2010-12-07T20:53:00.000-08:00

I so, so want this, this is TA DA..... a plush nerve cell! One face book friend suggested I let the dog chew on it for a while as I thought my own needed to be missing some parts.

You can give gift boxes of diseases and pennicilan to trump all! I found this on Thinkgeek.com I had too much fun looking at their magazine. They sure love their bacon !?

Hope you've found something you just gotta have!

christmas christmas time of year....

2010-12-06T05:14:00.000-08:00

I am unusually excited about Christmas this year. Maybe, because it's our first Christmas with the Indian, or maybe I just love me some Christmas?

I have started shopping earlier than usual and wrapping just about everything. I have found sweet gifts at Dollar tree that well, I thought deserved to be wrapped. I found a little pack of 4x6 color photo blanks and paired them with a small photo album and bam... instant gift.

For me, I am getting an awesome adult coloring book by Mike the chimp. It is a graffiti based book and has almost 370 pages. This should keep me busy for years!
The kids are giving me a bag of lavender delights,*grin*. Can we say stress management? I found a huge bag of lavender bath salts with pink Himalayan salts add a couple of really nice soaps, a soft cloth and a few wash clothes and Mommy is happy! Yes, I still pick out my own gifts!

So, I have a pile of presents, but no tree today. I plan on rectifying that situation very soon! Last year we were moving the week before and our tree was donated like two days before, perhaps this is why I am so excited this year??/

Anyway I'll say it again, but I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe holiday season this year, luv JoJo!

Discovering Unity

2010-12-03T23:51:00.000-08:00

I will not quote statistics to you, but there are a lot of people suffering from M.S., guestimate 400,000. in the usa alone. I have befriended quite a few on face book and one thing I am noticing is that there is a special kin ship.

I can quarantee not one of us wants the dreaded disease, but the sufferers tend to rally around one another. I suppose I should be ashamed, but as an O.T. practicioner I hated working with M.S. patients. In the acute settings they were happy folk, but I always seemed to think that "they were gonna beat this thing!, Why are they so positive?" This was over 15 years ago and the options then were nil' to nothing.

I know find myself saying things like, " I"m not going down without a fight!" Or even better... " I have this disease, but it does not have me!" This is not uncommon in chronic illness, but it seems especially so with this particular disease. I can only hypothosise that its because of the unpredictable nature of this disease. What else can we do? Sit around and mope or try to make the best of what we have.

I know personally, I am physically an enigma. The size and location of my lesions generally result in some major gross motor problems. The neurologist looks at my mri's, meet me then repeats the process. My balance sometimes really sucks and I have assorted issues that pester, but for a monster C2 lesion.... I am a walking miracle. I have decided I am just not going down like that! Mind over body is my tune and I am not changing it!

I am watching the boards of the people taking the brand new oral med (all others are shots or infusions) and waiting now 4 more months while my doctor awaits the data. The downside to the drug would be that it is an immunosuppressant, up side little to no side effects. It also is showing up to be 3-4 more times effective than the present older meds. Will I rock the Michael Jackson Mask.... hells yeah! Will I stock up on clorox sanitizing wipes, absolutely! Will I bathe in purell, if I need to!

I normally don't fuss too much about my dis-ease, but I am finding a group of people who share one hell of a common bond. We all got this crap disease that we did nothing to catch and it affects our lives, like it or not!

I can say with all the new developments such as a surgery to detox the brain, the brain stem project I am dying to get into and now a new med.... things are looking up. I have been told to be diagnosed now may well be the best time if you have to be.

You will not find a more supportive group of people, so I just want to give props to my fellow M.S.ers and a thank you to my kind and sweet blog peeps! Life always seems to give you what you need and kind people must have been on my list! You guys rock!

I think I can, I think I can

2010-12-02T11:47:00.000-08:00

The montel network, the Wisconsin project.

I have been sharing this amazing study going on everywhere. If you'll watch you'll see that the brain stem is being stimulated directly and giving wonderful results.
So, being the proactive person I am I called the university and hunted down the department doing the studies.

Get this my friends, I AM IN THE DATABASE! This doesn't mean I have a definate yes, but I am closer than I was two days ago. I have sworn to everyone, I will hitch hike and stay in a homeless shelter if I had to, to be able to have this opportunity.

I am hoping and praying I get this chance, what else can I do? I sent an email and finally got ahold of the right people, I swear this doctor feels like god holding the key to redemption for me! I can't even imagine the results if I can have this happen. Brain fog gone? Improved fine motor control? Increased ability to express myself? I will not get too excited now as I know I can not determine if the study will take me, but I can hope, right?

Anyway, pray for me and send good vibes, cyber hugs, the works I need them!

you are so much funnier than me....

2010-12-01T04:21:00.001-08:00

This image came via Kelley at magnetoboldtoo She is one funny woman with a rockin' sense of humor! I personally know a man or two like this and oh so wish I could pass it on. I can't so, ex in-law who's wife holds your genitals in her purse, this one is for you!

Then there is Sandra, she is giggle out loud maybe even snort or two funny. Her most recent post made me want to copy her right away and harass my kids with the va-jay- jay word incessantly. Really, you wanna go read her.

Finally, there is Deborah, not only is she a genius... she is funny. Laugh out loud and maybe shed a tear funny. She is working on a high level degree in psychology and I always love her point of view, it's fresh and so smart. I love learning from anyone in the blog world, but she knows A LOT! So, again go meet Deborah.

When I started blogging, it kinda followed my view of life, express myself and then try to make some sense of it all. I have been humbled by writers who are just that bonafide writers and now by the true comics I have found in the blogosphere, please, read and enjoy. I know I will.

It's a buggin' me

2010-11-30T11:09:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have tried to be more grateful and thankful in my approach to life and my blog but, there are a few things stuck in my crawl. I'm sure my friend over at my game its your move will get this.

1. The girl at church who stands on the pulpit barefooted...WERE YOU RAISED IN A BARN? That's a pulpit, ya' know holy and all that.....

2. Family members that involve children in personal issues. COME ON, SHOW SOME CLASS AND LEAVE THE KIDS OUT OF IT!

3. My budding teenager throwing a temper tantrum every time she gets told "no..." A THREE YEAR OLD TANTRUM WITH SCREAMING CRYING AND POUNDING ON THANKFULLY MY CONCRETE WALLS. Get a grip little girl, life is full of "no's" and Authority!

4. Her younger brother copying her who actually cried while he was doing dishes...PUHLEASE, ARE THEY GETTING YOUNGER AS THEY GET OLDER?

5. My boyfriend who I love more than any man telling me " I have to stop flirting!" DO WHAT? I AM NOT EVEN AWARE THAT I FLIRT AND IF I DO IT'S PART OF MY PERSONALITY! In the almost year we have been together surely he has gotten a grasp of who I am!

6. Not being able to wake up without some body part screaming that I have laid on... COME ON, I AM ONLY 37, I MAY HAVE A DISEASE, BUT I AM TRYING NOT TO LET IT HAVE ME!
I go to the doctor today to adress my swelling and make sure my parts and pieces are all still working.

7. Seeing all this research and new developments being done and not being able to be part of it.... I KNOW CCVSI IS A SERIOUS SURGERY, BUT THEY ARE RELEASING THE TOXINS FROM THE BRAIN AND PEOPLE ARE GETTING BETTER... DON'T I DESERVE THIS CHANCE?
Montel got to go to Wisconsin and have his brain stem stimulated. I MAY NOT BE FAMOUS, BUT I AM IMPORTANT TOO! I WANT MY CHANCE!

8. Watching my boyfriend working his butt off for day labor AND GETTING PAID PENNIES! YES, IT IS BETTER THAN BEING HOME DOING NOTHING, BUT EVERY JOB HAS GIVEN HIM RAVE REVIEWS. Please, please let something stick soon, he is doing his pennance for screwing up the good job... now we need the income and he needs to work!

Okay, I think I am done for now... lol. As usual I am not afraid to let it all out. This is what started my cyber-jerk stalking to begin with. I am living my life the best way I know how and learning every step of the way. I will not give up or give in. I am JoJo, hear me Roar!

A thankful time

2010-11-26T23:48:00.001-08:00

This year for the first time in a few years, I cooked. I cooked and enjoyed every minute. I had a beautiful quiet moment as I rolled the pastry for my boysenberry pie. The day had been stressful, then a magical thing occured. Everyone took a nap and I was completely alone as I carefully rolled the dough and cut out my toppings. It tasted as good as it looks.

At that moment I was fully present and happy.I was thankful to be able to sit at the table and play in my dough and plan out the next days meal. I was thankful that some one smiled down on me and gave me a wonderful quiet moment. It was soothing to the soul and mind.

As you can see, I managed a shot of all three smiling at the same time. Who knows what I said to get it, I imagine it was a little off color. My children are all happy inside and know they have a loving mother and are adequately provided for. It's getting that realization to bubble up to the top that takes a little work.

Perhaps that is why we go to so much trouble once a year. We serve decadent and sweet old time favorites to please our bellies and our family. We try to be thankful to provide our family with food and a side dish of love.

I can say I do not miss the uncomfortable dinners served at my sister's house with her in-laws. My sister is a wonderful cook, but why do we force ourselves to give up such a wonderful day to be around people we don't really like? I also do not miss the mistake's family dinners at the inlaws. A group of 20 some people who don't really want to be in the same room. Can we say akward?

Anyhoo, my thanksgiving was happy and I found thankful moments. I can only hope everyone else was able to achieve the same!

A whole week

2010-11-22T22:04:00.000-08:00

I swear the school system here is made of a large group of sadists. For Thanksgiving break we get the whole week off! Yes, I love my children, but due to unexpectedly buying a car this month we are broke! So broke even the redbox movies are out of the question. Library here we come!

Today, I had to escape. I did a grand round tour of my closest thrift shop. I scored a fairly large bag of silverware for 7$. How does crap like that disapear anyway? Even after searching through nooks and crannies, still low on everything. Wow, a real splurge, eh? I generally just walked around and looked at stuff.

We had been preparing for a blizzard, but now it's just heavy snow and extrememly cold temps wednesday. I am sure the charcoal, extra water and candles will always be useful. Back east it was always hurricane preparedness, but here we only worry about particuarlly vicious storms.

Being an eco-friendly town, most children of all ages walk to school. Bikes are ridden year round and a special bike path is built into the city that covers about 19 miles and traces the river. If necessary, you can walk to just about anything you need.

This has been the biggest difference from living in the south east. My last destination had ample bus routes, but they didn't have bike racks on the front of the buses. Walking there was considered suspect if not a little dangerous. Even walking in the neighborhood was a bit dangerous as local drivers tended to drive 35 mph on the backstreets.

Next June I will have been here three years. I like a bit more of the town, however; the summers still kill me. M.S. and desert conditions do not work well together. Like I have said before, I know the resources of the community far outweigh anywhere I have lived to date and I have been a wanderer.

I am still awaiting Wannabe's one to one person as she really needs the appropriate roll modeling. I do not think I am a bad parent, I do know teenagers rarely hear what wisdom their parents have to offer. We are averaging one major breakdown a week, and they are nothing short of temper tantrums. She will actually scream and beat on walls. I know hormones are playing a large roll this week, but this behavior is above and beyond understanding. The few times I have called in crisis moments I get referred to the one to one worker (psr) alas, we have yet to get one.

I know this week will pass. I just pray that the drama is minimal and the cabin fever is nil. One can hope right?

Do I see an improvement?

2010-11-19T17:57:00.000-08:00

Dare I say it? Wannabe has been well a bit more tolerable the past two weeks.

Perhaps her medication is working better? She has had a couple meltdowns,(one that

would rival any three year old's temper tantrum) but in general she has been more pleasant and easier to be around.

I know she has a boy in her life, but the timing also points to a favorable

medication reaction. This really is a blessing as anyone who has ever suffered from

depression knows that the right medication mix is not easy to achieve

She has also been to church more often, going to a retreat and going for a youth

group with her best friend. Next is to get her involved in more social activities.

We have found a counselor who is very experienced and quite how can I say "real" in

her approach. It is important that we get to the issues and directly to them and

deal with them, not just sugar coat the issues at hand.

Well, if I have learned anything the main issue is taking life day by day, hour by

hour. Staying in the moment is not always the easiest, but it is much more pleasing

when the moments are happier.

Dare I get excited?

2010-11-16T05:18:00.000-08:00

I saw my neurologist yesterday and it had been about a year. I went in with a list of complicated questions, but came out with ground breaking news.

There is a brand spankin' new oral med on the market that is not a remake of any of the available options! Drum roll..... finglimod. FDA approval as first oral M.S. treatment! From my understanding it is an immunosuppressant, which may be the con, but it works on an antibody basis which is the pro to this medication as I can see.The other pro being it is oral, all other forms of treatment are shots or infusions.

The easiest explaination I have read is it reduces overall numbers of leukocytes which cause the auto-immune reaction and attack the myelin sheath. For those who know little about M.S. this means the break down of the nerve coating that keeps all the happy little brain signals shooting will be reduced so symptoms and progression of the illness will slow.Early studies show that it is 3 or more times more effective than what is presently on the market.

To me this means an option that does not load me down with side effects (copaxone) or, cause me to feel like I have been run over by a truck (rebif). It also doesn't scare the crap out of me (tysabri) with that pesky little side effect of a rare brain disease that kills you by the time you catch it!

So, am I going to go on it immediately? No, my doctor feels that in the world of M.S. every new treatment begins as the OMG this is going to change my life and cure me! We are going to watch it for about 6 months see what happens and if the risk to benefit ratio is adequate, I may begin the treatment then. He has the same feeling about the new surgical interventon CCVSI.

This intervention is based on the idea that there is a toxic build up of iron and other things in the brain and the proceedure is angioplasty to open up major veins into brain or legs and let the body recirculate and get rid of all the iron. People are also giving blood for the same reason.I have seen videos and the before and after is simply awesome.

It again is a new proceedure and being touted as the "cure" we have all been waiting on. My doctor, again, being conservative feels the same way I do, lets wait and watch and see. It also being so new will probably not be covered by my insurance through Social Security, being disabled.

So, am I excited? Of course! Will I wait until it's been adequately used around the nation, yep! By May, I may be on the med myself as my doctor is expecting a huge attraction as it is not shot and there are those with serious needle aversions. So, let's wish the M.S. world luck and hope that this is truly an effective medication without terrible side effects!

on a happy note...

2010-11-12T09:20:00.000-08:00

Last week at church, a small section of time was taken out to call out good things or blessings that had happened the week before. So, with all the drama going on in my life I am challenging myself to dig deep and find the happy spots. So here goes...

This last week...
-I laughed every day

-talked with my best friend from high school and really laughed loudly

-saved over $150.00 at Macy's

-got to go shopping just for me

-got my daughter to agree to a youth retreat this weekend

-met an extremely kind person in a position of authority who gave me his cell number for times of need

-was given props for doing everything I can to help my child

-had a fellow blogger speak of the hateful annonymous blog stalkers in a blog

-have been given all kinds of support left and right

-my lil' wild man has brought home 3 out of 4 reports on his daily school work.

So, despite the trying times I am living in right now, there is always a yin to that yang. It is so easy to get absorbed in the bad and hard that one can forget the good things happening. I may not jump up and yell out any of this, but I have stopped and reflected and life isn't all bad. It will get better and one can find joy if they look hard enough.

Retail Therapy

2010-11-11T13:58:00.000-08:00

Anyone who can and has read my recent posts knows that I have been dealing with a lot! I received a gift card from Macy's in October for my birthday and have been waiting for a sale. So, today came Veteran's day and I had all ready perused the website and found one tunic I just loved the look of, found it immediately and dug through the additional clearance section. I will apologize for the hat, bad hair day, but it does add a Lil' something in a couple of the pictures. Any one who knows me knows I love hats. I normally wear them for fun, but falling asleep in a head band did ugly thing to my head so...... I hope you enjoyed my Macy's day parade! (giggle)

100 Thank Yous!

2010-11-08T16:14:00.000-08:00

Rhonda and the other positive persons who have given me uplifting positive input, thank you. I have just found some wonderful new resources and I believe things will be look up soon.

I am just so lucky the area I live has so many resources available to the community. Beyond dealing with my teen I have never seen a more proactive system of dealing with life and all it's strugles.

I am strong believer in fate and that life gives us answers, it's just takes seeking them out. Perhaps that is what drew me to the far beyond. Nothing is broken, nothing is unfixable. I think sometimes it just takes getting to the right person to ask.

Thank you for your kind words and I will continue to ignore the negativity pouring out of someone so insignificant. I honestly feel sorry for you annonymous, you must be such an unhappy person to have to attack people on the internet.

My life is mine and I love my daughter enough to do what is right and do everything I can to make our family unit as happy and healthy as possible. I will take every resource I can get and love it!

Thank You my supportive and loving friends, I know you are there!

Moving on

2010-11-07T08:48:00.000-08:00

Now past my rant and into something a bit nicer. For those who know me, know that I am a true breed southern woman. I was raised in the fine state of Virginia, but my Daddy's roots are North Carolina all the way.

Last week he finally managed what I think has been a long term dream, he found a pastorship in Lumberton, N.C. I am all ready jealous thinking about the hushpuppies and barbeque.

Today is his first sermon, and I am sure he will wow them. He has been heard a few times, but my daddy is good at his job. He outlines his topic step by step and hops all over the bible throughout but, his ability to weave together parts of the bible I have never heard before.

He also is known to feel the spirit and get a little happy. He will dance, sing or simply fall into a sing song pattern. I miss my parents and I miss my daddy's sermons. This is a lot coming from a P.K. who spent her entire childhood in church and at my teens age rebelled hard and heavy.

We have found a little methodist church just around the corner as my preference is small and hopefully a little old fashioned. I am taking my oldest son who really wants to go and hopefully next week the whole family.

I love you mom and dad, I am not homesick I just miss my loving parents. I am sure if mom reads this she will be pleasantly surprised. God and I have been good for some time, I just have not wanted a churchy environment. Maybe I am growing up? Either way, it certainly doesn't hurt a body to go and worship.

Drama

2010-11-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

How long?

2010-11-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

For those who follow know my daughter wannaberockstar, tried to committ suicide this summer, since that time we have been living in a state of terror level red. She terrorizes me when she does not get what she wants. I say "no" to anything and we are looking at a 20-50 minute fight. These fights happen almost everyday.

She has convinced atleast one family member who has never even met The Indian that of course he is terrorizing her. He has been able to do what I find my worst personal parenting failing, he has provided consistency. Groundings do not get forgotten, or badgered away.

Amongst this stress my car died a day before payday. I had to borrow money from my childrens father and she was expecting money for a phone card. She has actually had the nerve to say things such as " I wouldn't ask for your phone if you hadn't taken the money for your CAR." As if we could go without transportation?????

These daily fights are affecting my health, I am pushed into a relapse any time I break down and finally loose my temper, and trust me it takes a lot to get me to that point. How long can I handle this? How long before she is on the right medication? Do I really have 5 years before she's ready for college?

We have counseling and will have a personal psychiatric worker who is supposed to model appropriate behavior and help deal with the big familial issues. It will be a good month before she can start getting this help. Bigger question being can we make it another month?

Any words of wisdom, good karma, blessings or prayers would be appreciated.

10 minutes

2010-10-31T06:56:00.000-07:00

I have put a lot of thought into what can one do in ten minutes? Dry your hair, make a quick phone call, day dream, glance through a mail order magazine... who knows. Why ten minutes? For those who don't allready know, the indian almost went home to his maker recently, literally ten more minutes and he would have died.

I found him in the emergency room in a coma, combination of not eating and taking a valium to help sleep so he could work third and some kind of alchohol he doesn't really remember.

Needless to say, that and the 7 day acute pancreatic attack afterwards has encouraged him to become sober. I also let him know that he had three months to get it together, once was hard enough. He has initiated aa without me nagging and really says that waking up from a coma scared him straight. I think I believe him. He also knows that next time he could just die, so I will not be chasing around snooping and looking for slip ups.

Since that time he has turned back into the man I love, he is funny, kind, sweet and never misses a chance to say " you're pretty." I wont babble on about this as it was so personally painful, but as anyone who reads me knows. I often tell all.

So, next time anyone thinks about mixing benzodiazapines and alchohol, think again. One pill almost killed the man I love.

And life carries on...

2010-09-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

I have felt that this year is the year of change pretty much from go. Relationships seem to be folding like last weeks laundry or starting with the ignorance of those who still have the Brady Bunch encoded into our lil' brains. Hey some do work, right?

School is back in session and I see that I am going to have to buy a serious mack-daddy pencil sharpener and a wipe off pen as my youngest who hates homework leaves these things at school and I am not the paragon of organization, Oprah could do a show on me. I wouldn't expect gasps more like the oh my face. Dasperately seeking dressers is on of the main problems. I have none and the boys have one tiny one, the girl child changeling has one small that she just will not use. Nothing like spending a couple hundred on her to see it all in the floor two days later.

I am seeing e-buddies come into their own, my friend Graham of One man's travel's, just got asked to shoot a spread for a magazing, you go Graham!I will add a link, but I am just being a bit lazy at the moment.

My daughter and boyfriend are still oil and water. She screams and cusses and makes a fool of herself. He does well most of the time. Putting myself in his shoes I would feel like bailing too. Yes, we are doing the obvious, counciling and therapy and anything else they throw my way.

I remain out of sorts. I think I am stressing myself into more relapse if even just mini one so... nothing all that new here.

Should I be worried when over the top stress seems normal? Random post with serious crap in it.

2010-08-25T04:56:00.000-07:00

This week I talked to my sister whom I am closest with and the conversation did not go well. Apparently my last mistakes in "luv" have given her a pre-determined idea that I am going to keep screwing it up. I very rarely respond harshly, but some times it does feel like projected anger.

I know it's annoying to hear someone wax on about their love life, I am in a whole different ballpark now. We do not fight at all, not do we irritate one another all that much. I love my boyfriend and I love my sister, so I guess I will have to try to avoid those topics until they meet in person.

On a different note, my father has accepted a position as a pastor in Lumberton N.C. just miles from where he grew up. I know he has been wanting to go this route and head home for probably the last eight years. The Indian and I have talked about that as a potential return to east coast sorta state. Nags head or the outer banks area just call to me and he wants to be near water as he loves to fish.

Again to another topic, wannabe, is in the hospital again. She may not get out as soon as she likes, but I am hoping that she is starting to get involved and understand her own actions and responsibilities that necessitated the visit. I think she has made it from denial and anger to bargaining and maybe depression. the last time she was sent home in full denial and it was everyone else's fault. I am bummed that she is missing the start of school which starts tomorrow. I may try to meet with the teachers and see if she needed the freakin 7 3 ring binders??

And yet, another frightening topic, my sisters youngest 3 months ( yes she got pregnant right as soon as popping her oldest out) was in her bouncer on a high counter, un-strapped and she took a head dive to the floor. The X-rays were fine, her examination was fine, but a cat scan showed what we think is an absence of corpus callosum. For those who have no idea its the black, empty kinda looking area close to the bottom of the brain. They are supposed to be getting her to a peditric neuro as soon as possible. I know from experience is often a hurry up and wait kinda deal.

Any prayers, good karma, mojo, or just kind thoughts would be appreciated.

And Karma smiles on me!

2010-08-10T19:00:00.000-07:00

Perhaps the theme of the week, Karma.

Today I had my final court session from the incident that happened earlier this winter. My case was dismissed, no fines, court costs, nothing!

In the last few months, I had allowed children from that household to play freely around my house and somewhat with my kids. A few weeks ago, probably the sweetest child who had appologized for her mother several times fell from a tree within 5 feet of my back door. I responded quickly as any mother would and did the basic first aid/neuro check. The child did not want to move, she was complaining of back and arm pain. I was not about to move her. Her aunt then responded who called 911. The paramedics came through my home and I passed off my finding to them.

Her mother then showed and I had to move away as she has a no contact of 10 feet due to her causing the public disturbance. I let them pass through my home and even asked her if she needed a ride. They stopped by on the way home to let me know that she was fine.

A couple of days later I went to michaels, I love to find indoor entertainment as the heat and I are not friends. While there I picked up a grab bag of things and we dropped them off telling her she " could, but didn't have to share." I watched as she gleefully grabbed it and held it to her chest.

She and her next youngest brother came to wildmans birthday party where I had bought waterguns, velcro catch, badmitton raquets and shuttles (no nets) bubbles, football and a soft sided ball and bat. All intended to entertain everyone outside on a hot august day. And of course the air pump foam rocket that I was super glueing that night and was the issue of "mine!"

When sending cake home, I found out how special a gift you don't have to share really is. There are 9 count 'em 9 people living in that home together. The two sisters and their respective children. I suppose that would be an intelligent way to handle the shear child to parent ratio over load.

So, did I treat the little sweet girl and send cake hoping to help my court case? Of course not! The cake was a half sheet chocolate with fudge middle and whippy topping. With out a doubt this tasted divine and my hips did not need it to stay in the house and why not send home with whomever? I also sent some home to my prior step daughters home, and fed any one else around.

The situation that put me in court was way over the top. It was a misunderstanding followed up by a riot like situation. Unfortuately it did spill over to school as it is an area all were at, however; being as children are memories fade and sometimes just having a good time means more than some that happened over half a year ago.

This is the way I believe Karma truely works. Being a kind and decent person without selfish motives generally means kindness will find you. Today as it went from a good offer to completely dismissed I feel uplifted that kindness is not a thing to be forgotten or bandied about for your own good.

Again, I am just jojo and I may have some reasons to be upset this week, but overall I am kind sometimes to a fault and sometimes my generous spirit is repaid.

Karma

2010-08-08T17:10:00.000-07:00

I believe that some one is due a large helping of karma, served southern style. Meaning, of course, with a smile and a wink.

I am not going into details, but someone willfully sat out to sabotage our life as it is. I doubt they have enough foresight to realize that injury is mainly due to me and my children. Luckily, the things that matter most did not get affected.

I have my ideas, but I am not quite sure who the mastermind was, but I would think it was a perma-child who can not stop sucking at the teat and will forever be a fat kid who no one loved enough. The poor baby needs a momma to schedule his life and resents being drug out of intoxification nursing home style.

Does one ever get over being so obese that a bariatric nursing home was required, I don't think so. The epitome of gluttony and laziness. Life at the computer is so much more desirable when face to face is not a necessity. You can be anyone in your own delusional mind. And when life gets hard, well drugs always work too. Unless of course, one can live with their aging parents who provide all basic needs. Food, shelter, transportation including gas, cable t.v. and an internet. Gee George, sounds so good where can I sign up?

Karma is a swift, but quiet form of justice that I fully believe in. Being an independant adult alone who recognizes life as it is keeps me happy. I also believe the almost 15 years of providing for the truly needy in a job, but done to standards set only by myself which were so high my own health suffered. I am not perfect, but again I am just jojo and pretend to be no more and take no pride, just simple joy in daily victorys. That being said...... here's my smile and wink, enjoy your swift helping of Karma!

I will survive....

2010-08-07T23:48:00.000-07:00

As the teenaged monster takes over my oldest, I have decided my background music shall be "I will survive" the Beck version, not the original. What can I say more than another day another drama. I am becoming piqued. When I don't jump up and say "Yes, he shouldn't have said that to you, so I am kicking him out!" She trys to tattle on me to family far away. Yesterday, when removing her mouse from her room she decided to wrap it around her arm three times to make a red mark, so it would appear as if she had been hurt.

Today, I challenged her to writing out an essay of how to take responsibility for her actions and she responded with ways she was going to change.... ie " I am going to be a better person." Maybe she just does not understand how to take responsibility? We have begun to change our messages to " when you scream at your brothers.... or when you leave a mess.... we will..." I know we have a long and daunting process in front of us, but I am just grousing.

The indian is working at a major restaurant and being fast tracked to manager and he is so happy to be back at work. This healing time has been the only time since he left home that he hasn't been gainfully employed. I know it is bringing us closer. We always touch in our sleep, but last night we were as siamese twins. I am learning in this relationsip that love and emotions ebb and flow. I have never felt the experience of feeling as if I were falling in love time and time again. Those would not be his words, but as only a man can express I can seem to get enough of your kisses. Yeah, for going back to work!

Apparently, I was just as much of a nightmare as a teenager, thinking I was older and not having the skills to manage the adult situations I often placed myself in. I spent some time living elsewhere and a brief stay at a boarding school. We moved and I think it was learning to play the piano that I remember being able to sort my mind and emotions out. I wish I had continued because I remember the feel of that upright rock with me as I pounded out melodys and poured my soul into feeling the music. Music heals without a doubt. I guess maybe I should start guitar lessons as she is showing very little interest in the acoustic she got for christmas.

Now that finances are not such a problem, I hope to get back into a pottery class this fall. I always loved the feel of clay in my hands. I need an outlet just as much as I have always, but the ages of the children and now more financial security leads me to have and make viable hopes and plans.

I will survive, I am not the first mom with a teenager and will not be the last. I am not the first mom finding love late and having the institution of discipline being upheld shake up the family order. I am not the first mom living with an illness. I am and will continue to learn and grow because I definately do not know it all. I am simply just jojo, goodhearted sometimes to a fault and almost always good intentioned.

WOW it has been that long....

2010-08-06T14:57:00.000-07:00

I have taken yet another vacation from cyber-land and of course lots has happened, but do I tell all.....hmmmmm?

Well the Indian and I are still together. We have hit a stumbling stone or two, but we have fared well and still are committed to one another and forward progress.

My oldest Wannabe ended her school year by downing two bottles of pills and spending a couple of weeks in intensive therapy. We are still strugling. She is defiant, disruptive and downright belligerant at times. I know welcome to teen land, but this seems worse. I don't know if the medication is helping or worsening the situation, but she is not taking well to having some one around who remembers the punishments and helps enforcing. Trust me he doesn't walk on water, but she has spent so many years bulldozing right over me that she stays at odds at all times.

My middle child, the lil' gentleman continues to seem older than his years. He has become very close with an arabic boy and another friend from school.

My youngest, wild man, turned 9 today. Wow, how the years fly by. He was delighted with ample gifts as I hit the Jackpot at a grocery outlet.... authentic skateboard with real trucks and wheels for $20.00..... cha ching! Of course, It was the the last minute air pump missle that won the day and caused the fights and general birthday, "that's MINE" drama. For two dollahs, I guess I could have bought two ???

Anyhoo, that's here now and today. I am not taking any M.S. meds, but will go to my neuro and see if I am a candidate for the angioplasty that is changing lives.

So, yes I am alive still here with my abhorrent grammar, but that's me just jojo. I think I am back to cyber world, I took a long break. I always try to grasp some greater meaning, but all I can say is that I think that I felt so very violated that I decided to keep my two pennies in my pocket. Now, I am ready to let the change land where it may....... after all sticks and stones and all that happy crap!

How's about that all that....

2010-04-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I will not sink any lower to the annonymous people who have no couth and seem to be full of sour grapes. I love this man, he loves me, we are unbelievably happy so, enough said. I win. I am so sorry to my regular friends, bloggers. I hope you didn't have to read all that garbage.

I did want to tell about the surgery that he required after his elbow required the penning. The surgery went well, but my loving Indian came home and scared me senseless. As the anasthesia wore off he spiked one hell of a temperature. He shook, he talked incohereantly and I cradled him to my chest and I rocked him. I called the doctor several times terrified that we needed to go back.

It was touch and go, but the fever broke and I thanked God, as I have thanked him for bringing him to me. My life is still better and happier, when my beautiful man is healthy he will go back to work. It's coming soon, he will be right back at the top of his game.

It is amazing how negative people have nothing better to do than spout hatred, and anger. The only way to win is to be happy.

On an even happier note my sister will be having her baby tommorow. Prayers, blessings goood karma, appreciated as Ella is coming at the same risks her sister Hannah emerged with last year! Spring flowers, new love and new babies, what could be better.

Blessings to my friends may happiness abound as it has here!

Yes, she lives

2010-04-12T23:33:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note, I am undoubtedly the most inconsistent blogger ever, but I can say the break has been well spent. I have nursed my new boyfriend who I will call The Indian (as well his heritage is 75% Cherokee) through surgery and the start of Therapy.

I am absolutely completely in-love with this man. He returns the feelings and it is as if my world has become brighter, tastier, sweeter and just amazingly better. Who knew? I just know that I never thought this would happen. I feel like the luckiest woman on earth.

He definitely feels worse for wear, but returns my undying affection. In fact, I'd like him to say a few words, and he will cause he loves me.

I Darrell the INDIAN, son of many self taught, when I was not quite yet a man I knew what true love was.Some people are in relationship
because it becomes a pattern.

Patterns do not make sense to me in my life due to the stumbling blocks that have been thrown into my life. It challenged me so I, have challenged each intricate little detail back, if told "no" I became consumed with making it "yes." I pick and choose who throws their logs in my fire. JoJo has lit a flame under my fire that will burn for many years through her undying affection and love she has given so willingly.

So, my message to my friends, Brian, Ed, Mike is " I HAVE LOVE!" That love is what keeps me burning and wanting more for my new family. I would bet Vegas odds that I could never find love to bet against that I would find the most beautiful soul that I have had the pleasure of meeting. I have thought I was in love before, but I now realize everything I am and will be is a accredit ted to the love I have for JoJo.

She allows me to be me and every day through Therapy I am getting more and more in touch with what is really important in life, I may have broken an elbow, but my heart the most vital part of me is so well taken care of by JoJo. I thought I knew how this whole life thing works, but life sometimes throws a curve ball and when you are down with a one two count bottom of the ninth the only one I want at bat for everything, my heart my health, my love, knowing one more strike would be detrimental to my team. when I turned over a splitter and send it over to left base mans head..... I realize I had other team mates and I was not the only one at bat. JoJo is the MVP of this team. My heart, my soul, and in time I will make her mine. The one and only Mrs. Abascal.For any of you who passed at this amazing opportunity I feel great remorse for. My love is never ending, my hearts live inside us, so without sounding sappy this is my way to say I love you.

You are my rock, my nurse, my provider, my reason to be,I am a better person just for meeting JoJo and especially since she has taken me for hers. Through every injury or procedure, nobody can take my heart and tell me this is not the woman of my life long dreams.

I hope everyone can find their JoJo.

Because everyone deserves to have the one they see as the most beautiful thing in their lives. I will sleep well tonight, knowing she is there and always will be. I hope to all my friends that they also find their JoJo because God only put one of her here and she's mine.

You can call me selfish, but if you were in my shoes..... then you would be as happy as I, and I truly wish that upon everyone, but not my Jo. Goodnight friends, happy in love the Indian.

A rare look at me...

2010-02-26T19:49:00.000-08:00

I wish I could put titles between the pictures, but blogger sucks like that, this was playing dress up with my junior photographer and MNL and myself. I don't remember ever having a picture with a smile that big or true. I was happy before he came here and now I am happier. I can not help but be. So, there they are... just JoJo playing dress up and with my arm dressing.

Hopeful good news

2010-02-25T18:15:00.000-08:00

This week we visited MNL's new orthopedic and she let us know that the external fixator is not generally left on for more than a month, so in a couple of weeks or so hopefully it can come out. Everyone runs into it atleast once a day and he overuses it reguarly.

Good news is what we need right now because life remains stressful here. I got a call about an incident once again same group of kids that happened on the way home. I have let the school know that my children are being harassed unmercifully daily with a response of "it's not on school grounds, so its not our problem." Okay, my son actually said that to his teacher "hey, it wasn't on school grounds." I did get a phone call however. So they can not do anything until my kid does something. I really want to get these kids in a different school. I called today and asked what it's going to take to get my kids transferred. There is a bus that comes right by here everyday and back to their old school. I can't blame my child for being confused.

MNL continues to be so much help to me physically and emotionally and he is probably at the most disabled he has ever been. Its amazing when a person who really wants to work is around. Sure there is more that can get done, but everything in the house is brighter and everyone is happier. To hear his history one could think he might spend his days expecting the world to pay him back, but instead he is happy and out going and just down right pleased to be here with us.

I guess that is the best news, I have help. A generous loving man who helps because he wants to. He is not expecting pay back or when I am going to make up the balance, he just does it.I can only hope and pray the school situation will improve, but I have a feeling that is going to be a tall mountain to climb.

look at this

2010-02-20T18:49:00.001-08:00

This is the injury that has brought m.n.l. into my life. A week and a half ago I got a note saying,"going into surgery call me." I then got another note saying, I am going back into surgery. I finally got to talk to him around midnight and he was quite post-op goofy. We have been corresponding for several months so after talking to him and realizing he had no help, I offered my help.

In return he is completely spoiling us acting as a practical short order cook and shining his sunny personality on us. Some may say and have,"what are you thinking?" I had actually prayed about doing this and really felt that I was being led in the right direction.I do concern myself first about my children, but we are helping each other. Being a single mom with significant M.S. is so very hard and I was starting to experience a pattern that led me to staying with family for a couple of years. I work, hard. I clean, pickup after everyone and in general try to act as if I was normal and within 6 weeks got the worst flu I had experienced in 4 years, since I
was holding down the fort alone. Doing the m.s. shuffle, work really hard, crash.

I think that God has presented a wonderful opportunity in my life and I am proud of being smart and brave enough to take it.I am chosing to ignore the annonymous nay sayer who some how showed up in my blog and now focus on us, all of us. My children get the love they need, I get the help I need and m.n.l and I are slowly learning each other and deciding what is best for us.

But really, what good person would not want to help a friend in need like this. As it has been said.... a friend in need is a friend in deed.

More Changes

2010-02-19T12:10:00.000-08:00

I have said for a while this year was going to be a year of change. Recently I got an email saying "I'm having surgery call me." Between the caregiver and medical nature I was quite worried, so I called and called, got another note that said going back in surgery.

My friend now sports huge pins and screws in his elbow.My first question was do you have any one to help you, his response while in the post op was "not realky." We talked a couple of days and we mutually decided that coming here to me would benefit us both. I am helping him recouperate and he just being here has helped a gazillion ways.

As for our relationship, we are taking it slow, really slow. We both are a little gun shy, so we both want to learn how to do it right. I can not say that this is the man of my dreams, he could be...we are slowly learning about each other as if it is a tiny seed planted in the ground that we are nurturing, not forcing to grow or put forth foliage before it's time.

I really couldn't have asked for better help. It always amazes me that he is here with pins and contraptions and his first question is "are you okay?" I wasn't going to say much for a while, but the little gentleman being the tattletale he is posted a note explaining enough that there is little for me to do other that reassure my family that I am not expecting this man to fix my life, it was simply an opportunity that presented itself and we are helping each other.

So, my feet are in the pond, but I am just walking around the perimeter with my pant legs rolled up. I am not jumping in head first, but slowly easing myself back into the part of life that we all want, but can so easily ruin.

So, I'm back, but moving slow as I had a nasty flu for three weeks, but I think this is going be a good change.

deja vu

2010-02-02T18:08:00.000-08:00

Insert brawl story, minus adult involvement. There are three little boys who make noting but trouble. Well one of them stood on our back stoop and my kids knowing we can not go to the street that the children involved in the brawl. My youngest sons do not understand that other kids from that street can still be here. They were instigated, but my younger two tried to get rid of some kids and picked up a knife and threatened them.

I have made it clear that he can not ever pick up a knife and threaten people, but once again I had parents in front of my house, saying "I'll not have my children threatened." Did they forget that these are kids. Kids that do not know everything, but what were they going to do call the police on an 8 year old? He never left the house as far as I know, but one child brought a rotten egg and apple core to throw at our door, then there is the mud smear.

Kids threaten each other all the time.They say and do dumb things because they are KIDS. My god, I do not believe mine to be perfect and now living in the hood they have learned some really poor behaviors, but what is so wrong that people can not understand that children are just children.

My two oldest are going to start counseling the same day same time different counselors. I guess now I have a reputation, so it was a point of saying I am coming to you as a parent, without anyone else. I tried to explain that I had taken care of the problem and would make sure it was taken care of, but kids are kids! The ones stealing and fighting and drawing in appropriate things on our home.

I am trying to ignore all this as I have learned my lesson in letting the little dumb shit getting me riled up. My psychiatrists tells me the woman was asking for it. Not much of that is going to matter, but I was doing what the woman intimated she was doing. I went to the house I was having the problem. I just dared to say police.

So, I had two sets of parents who came back mad to chew my ass, but really when are people going to realize some of this mess is just kids.

Thank You Google

2010-02-02T13:12:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a catastrophic crash and lost "just jojo" I was literally distraught I believe I am coming upon my year blogging here. I am not sure what caused the crash, but I have ideas. I also must thank my son who backed up all my files one day before I crashed. Yes a year of change, but I didn't want to loose everything. So, to you google, I am glad I moved my mail to you and I am glad that I am using blogger, for now. I still hate your picture format, but you are the bomb and officially my Valentine!

definate changes

2010-02-01T15:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, for three hours my two boys cleaned together, cooperatively no screaming, no yelling and no fighting while they washed almost all the dishes! They finally came to the agreement that if they helped with house hold duties I would spend extra time with them and maybe a treat or two.

Empathy is not possible at the ages they are at, any of them. Direct reward of momma love time and momma being able to cook because she's not exhausted is understood.I am simply amazed and I know it will not be every day, but the older two remember that we used to not go places unless the house was picked up.This works!

I am the touchstone and really, we have all been scattered since the move. We did find the real wii mote, so everyone is happy as the other we bought didn't work in the guitar which means no guitar hero....oh no! Right now she and two friends and the two boys are all playing without cursing or fighting....God I love and treasure these minutes. I feel like I need to write this down so as to remember when we all love each other and get along. I recently forced my daughter to take pictures of me as she has the gift and I have some pretty amazing pics.

I may post one or two, but we'll see. I'd like to end it on the note that my psychiatrist's thoughts on the fight was..."don't quote me, but it sounds like she was asking for it....!" Too funny, so yeah this may be a year of change, but sometimes change is good and today, this minute, in this space of time we are all happy. I am in the moment and it is good! Hoping you can find one moment and be as happy as I feel right now!

fyi

2010-01-31T15:38:00.000-08:00

I have created another blog to deal primarily with my m.s. I know that not everyone is all that interested, but I know that it's important for me to talk about it, so if ya' wanna you can read along, but it's really for me and or anyone else with m.s.

I've gotten desperate

2010-01-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

No, I am not talking about the lack of adult male in my life, I actually paid the kids to clean my kitchen. I can not believe that they won't just help me out, nah, yes I can. Sometimes I just don't bother to fight because the fight is more stress than doing it myself. This week is an exception, I think they have brought home a cold to me.

I think I also have become the neighborhood taxi. I've helped out a few people more than once. Especially the smokers. The price is so ridiculous, how can they not stop?
Well I smoked for a long time so I can understand, but I have children to take care of and that is unhealthy for them and me. I wonder how much illness I could have avoided if I never had smoked.

My brief search for an adult male friend has ended flat. I had one date planned,but no deal I was ill that week. Why is it the men that seem to appreciate me are always in different countries? A turkish football player is in the championship wants to chat. A turkish man in Norway wanted to chat. I am still a big hearted complete woman, but seeing past the children and m.s. is really quite difficult.

I feel sorry for those who made snap decisions as I am one hell of a woman. I am big hearted or we wouldn't be in the position I am in now with becoming the neighborhood cab. I do wish the people would barter and help me around the house. To, do...to do oh the things I need to do. I love my children, but why does it have to be so damn hard? Well enough self pity for today. I've got what I've got and it may take a superman to love me the way I deserve.

So, my big heart gets me in trouble again. I become a neighborhood ride and take a bruise or two from potential suitors. I have to say their loss. I am great and they missed out.

The year of change

2010-01-24T20:48:00.001-08:00

I have realized in the recent events and happenings that this is a year of change. Change, such a powerful word. Some people hate it, can not deal with it, absolutely melt down at the thought of it.

Some people crave change, need change, change is a necessity in their lives. Often change slams us in the noggin like a big fat snowball. Like a teenager suddenly living in your house. She was a nice sweet child and now I feel like I need the beep machine in my house.

Change, change, change.... I hope I can weather this year with the minimum of damage. I know that the changes I have allready endured have taken me out of a bad relationship, but placed me in a bad neighborhood. Yin/yang perhaps? One can only hope.

My recent sudden change of personality (temporary) seems to have led the neighborhood to believe I should be left alone, maybe not so bad of a thing.I certainly regret the incident, but I know that it also signifies a change in me. I believe I have said in many ways..." no I am not going to take that injustice."

I know the change has left me much more tired, but I am trying to spend valuable time with the family and keep up with the work load. It's almost impossible. I am giving it a valient effort and there has been no day that I have done nothing. On that note, I am dragging my weary bottom off to bed. Tomorrow will be a change from today. I believe I will just accept life's changes and look for the silver lining!

Keepin' it real

2010-01-22T11:59:00.000-08:00

Obvious and not so obvious things pointed out to me recently

-I have a temper (imagine that)
-I cause people to think outside the box
-I am honest to a fault
-I live honestly
-I speak frankly
-you can talk to me for hours and still not have me pegged
-I am intensely loyal to my friends and family
-I have taken big chances
-I do not hold grudges
-I still believe in true love
-I plan on learning how to fix my next relationship, if I ever have one from the get go
-I am not materialistic
-I have good taste
-I am either very quiet or very outspoken
-I am clarvoyant at times
-I believe that I can control and change moods around me
-I can also be influenced by my atmosphere easily
-I rarely believe in coincidence
-I am affectionate and need more hugs
-I will always be a project in motion

What have I missed?

Temporary Insanity?

2010-01-20T17:59:00.000-08:00

I know everyone has had some moment where they have done something, said something or acted completely unlike their normal selves. WELL, yesterday I had that day.It all started....

My children have been since we moved here reguarlly having to retrieve hopefully items from two different families and I use that term loosely. Yesterday it was my youngest winter coat. I went to the door and asked the child where the coat was, the kid shrugged picked up an item or two and said "you wanna come dig?", I asked for a parent. After another shrug I then said I will involve the police. They gave me my coat I said "no offense we have just been loosing alot of items lately and I understand another home has naked babies running around and I don't want to see it because if I do I'll have to report it."

Apparently one child started crying so the man came over and said we've talked before when there was a problem and let's keep this neighborly. He then went and told the other woman who I had never even met and she showed up at my door screaming. She proceeded to stand chest to chest with me on my front step and scream. I told her to get off my property and she was now tresspassing and I could do what ever I needed to do to remove her. She kept screaming chest to chest with me. I slammed the door in her face and she continued beating on my door. I got my son to call the police. I let them know I had ordered her off my property and she would not leave.

Next shows up her twin sister who's three year old was the child my oldest had seen completely naked standing on the kitchen table.During all of this she would not step off of the grass, every one else was. She kept screaming in my face "do it", "hit me". I finally cracked and punched her in the face. Two men took me to the ground on my face and her as I had a handfull of her hair. I wasn't going down alone. I have scratches on my face, neck and even in my ear. I lost some hair as well, but the police didn't allow me to press charges to the men who ground my face into the face into the asphault. I know it was wrong, but I just snapped. I have never even been in a fist fight but I have a bruised knuckle so something left a mark.

I am embarassed to admit I couldn't let it go and just wait out the police. Has any ever done some thing this dumb or perhaps have some insight other than "you shouldn't have hit her."

So watcha think about all this?

2010-01-17T19:03:00.001-08:00

You'll have to go backwards as the pictures loaded this way and blogger and pics just suck so....

Allrighty now, I just couldn't let some of these slip past. Numbers three and four are just pure enjoyment and well a big helping of WTF? This fits somewhere in between you musta' had a hair dresser girlfriend or there is some one out the actually weirder than I am. Yep, these are just a sampling of my pickin's.

Number two I actually talked a good bit to kinda bonded until he told me he was going back to his girlfriend because she actually had not had a drink in THREE WHOLE DAYS! WHOOO HOOO!

Number one well entertained me because he didn't bother to crop the bag o' chips out of his lap for the " I'm the man for you picture" hehehehe. Well maybe he deserves some honesty points.Okay, maybe not.

So, there ya go a sampling of the lovely dates I could be having. And to think three kids and a disease was putting me at a disadvantage....I officially give up! If I am intended to find a decent man, I'll find one somehow.Just maybe not this route.

The Monster strikes...

2010-01-12T15:54:00.000-08:00

I have met a few men, but I have found only two that the M.S. doesn't completely bug out. I know that in all reality they probably have no clue, but it does sting a bit. I have found one person to talk to who just exited a relationship a lot like mine. His girlfriend was an alcoholic so we really seem to understand one another, I will not make predictions, but I have had fun talking to him.

I met up with a friend for coffee today and wanted so badly to make him feel better. He was really in a funk, but that's gotta come from inside. I will have a lunch date friday and see how it goes from there. Frankly, I am not expecting a whole hell of a lot.

My focus is on friends and family, not in that order. If we can just get them into bed by 9:30 pm it will be a victory. So, am I dipping my toes, sure... jumping in head first absolutely not. I am considering meeting people and letting them form an opinion then telling about the monster, but it seems deceitful. Who know, I will just have to use my friends to help when I don't know.

So, my internetz friends may end up doing some polls....will see depends on how mischevious I am feeling.

dippin' my toes back in

2010-01-08T14:06:00.000-08:00

My family is going to completely freak over this, so I say stop reading now! I have heard your told ya' so's and I know I am half at fault for being in Boise Idaho when everyone else is in Virginia....

Okay, that being said I have decided to see what kind of men Boise has to offer me. Most read the m.s. bit and disapear, surprise, surprise. Then there is the group that does not want in any shape and or form to father some one else's children. I am trying not to see this a two strikes against me, but rather weeding out the weak. I am a package deal and that includes kids and the medical facet of my life, which is just that a facet, not all of me.

I have one tentative date with a Turkish man who is in an educational field. His name is really hard to say, but my attempts have made me giggle anyway. Of, course the saying still goes that the best men are married, gay, (love you Matthew) or since the invention of the internetz unbelievably far away. I guess if it were easy I would have to really suspect the truth and integrity of the situation.

There is the saying the best things in life are free. I have made head ways with my children and we are not having near the battle at bed time that we were. I think they are starting to realize Mom's not kidding.

My next big task is to find a baby sitter. I need adult time and they are just going to have to accept that fact. No, I am not trailer trash chomping at the bit to drag a new daddy up in our home, but I need to have adult time to be just that an adult. That includes hanging out with my new friend Raven and so forth. So, there I am dipping my toes into the water. I will meet and greet, possibly go ahead and give up, but I think I should get kudo's for trying. I know it's soon, but if you read any of my last posts this mistake was recognized as that over a year ago, I was just stubborn and scared to be alone again.

Well two months later, I'm not scared anymore, I am okay with all of my life and there is plenty of counseling available to help iron out the rest. Its not as if I am in the 14th century in a period of mourning. I am free of a bad mistake and should want to celebrate and move on. If the m.s and children scare of all the weak and there are no strong, I am okay with that too! I am JoJo, and not just JoJo, The JoJo who is standing strong and knows to ask for help. So, wish me luck or at least understand that this is something I need to do!

I've created a monster

2010-01-06T12:27:00.000-08:00

No, not talking about the ones I produced, but myself. I am completely addicted to my farm, zoo and mafia on facebook. The funny part is my daughter tells me "face book is for old people mom." Yep, 36 and completely over the hill.lol

Funny I don't feel much different than I was at 17 except for my screaming back and knees telling me that this concrete floor blows big ugly painful bubbles.

I still love good music, I still feel a good bass rythym that makes me shake and wiggle. I still love my true blue high school friends and wish the joy with only a little envy for those who found love, the real, real deal!

I still have the adventurous spirit that made me the one that my friends always took when it came to concerts. They knew I would wander up and find a party anywhere and just a smile would get us in.

Okay, that part has been a little dormant, but I guess I have found my way in on the internet by a smile and true nice comments. Well and moving across the country for a relationship would still fall under that umbrella I guess.

Now, my focus is putting this little family back together and making sure that all and one understand, I am the boss. Good days, slow days and even bad days I AM THE BOSS! I know this will be no easy task, but that's okay. I am up for it. You may find me shaking and begging god for help at bedtimes, but it will happen!

So, I'm a farmer, zoo keeper and mafiaboss on facebook, but right now I am gathering the tools to be boss of this family, and trust me sometimes a mugging or illegal job would be easier, but this is what I have to work with and my love and skills will do it!

out with the old .... in with new habits.

2010-01-05T16:30:00.000-08:00

Wannabe visited and Ear, eyes, nose and throat doctor today and the general consensus is that she needs to loose her tonsils. We are looking at times and dates and all though spring break would suck for her, it would keep her from missing a lot of extra school.

She and I also did some grocery shopping, yes I know never do this when you are hungry. I don't think I did too badly as I found salmon fillets for only $3.00 each. I almost bought some smoked, but I restrained myself. We also found bags of chicken for around $5.00 and etc. This was a new store for me, but I was impressed at the gourmet selections. I know I will never find the Cadbury flake I fell in love with at a tea house in Seattle, but one can always look!

I have also become a coffee drinker. Totally new for me, but since we found the lil' bitty coffee maker I have made my own as opposed to starbucks/fourbucks or Moxie and the likes.

So, now I need to decide on tonights dinner er... just done for me a spinach and feta pizza it will be. I am excited to try the various indian and tai dishes I bought.Wanna be decided she will only eat fish and vegetables, so we are working on rounding out our diets. I can say I am not missing the beef or pork much although I did buy chorizo as it is always a happy family dinner.

So, Wannabe will loose her tonsils and we have gained a broader diet (I hope so anyway!) And I am sticking to my oaths and am remaining true to me and my feelings. I'll know by tomorrow if I have overstepped myself, but that's another story for another time....maybe.

My recent life changes

2010-01-04T18:13:00.000-08:00

I am without husband and it happened suddenly, but I think the relationship ended for me about a year ago. What he did may seem insignificant, but it hurt me in a way that made me feel that if I had limited years why waste them.

Over a year ago I went to stay with my sister for two weeks as she worked from home after having my gorgeous niece. I left grocery money and even went as far as to write a meal planner for the whole two weeks.

Needless to say, that didn't work and the kids were absolutely sick of pizza by the time I got home.

He also cleaned nothing, but he did go through my drawers to "re-arrange" I had a bottle of baclophen hid that found it's way out... hmmmmm imagine that.

I then find out from my children he had been busy on the phone and texting. Well he hadn't been texting me, so who was he? It turned out it was another woman. One night they talked for four hours. Oh, it was innocent of course. I then found out he had been talking to her on the sly throughout our whole marriage and relationship. He was talking to her on school nights and times he was gone so I wouldn't know.

But, it was all okay because she was just complaining about her marriage. Ahem, any woman knows that this is lining up the next potential. I forgave him, but it occurred to me that if I had limited time would I want to spend it with someone who obviously didn't respect me? Even after I found out he didn't stop or ever say, my wife means more to me, so I can't be your man on the side.

So, in reflection I think what little hope I had of being treated as the beautiful woman I am died. He lied to me, he snuck behind my back and he continued it after I found out and told him it was not okay with me.

Again, in retrospect he always seemed to be looking for the big one to "divorce" me and he did so many things to push me away. He didn't want to be married. That takes work.

Now he is back where I met him at, living with his mommy and daddy. Using their cars and cooking expensive side dishes on their budget.

No job, not going to college and set up fat in a million dollar home with his undying support from his family.

He hasn't even pursued the social routes to get money, lowered rent or any of the things an adult does when they should be facing homelessness. Why? Because he won't be evicted, he won't go without. He won't have to budget to feed four people. He can simply sit around all day and do nothing. He can go to his AA meetings and occasionally look at a job and thats enough.

So, yeah I am over him and have been since last year. I thought ya' know marriage is hard, I made vows; however, his lack of respect and drug induced rages left us all hurt.

We do have counseling that will address out left over issues, but my karma and chi sparkles now that he is not around. I love myself and deserve to be loved, really loved so if and when I meet another man that is my qualifications. Real love and respect. Compromise and hard work can do anything else, but ya' gotta love and respect me first.

Today

2010-01-03T15:12:00.000-08:00

I woke to my youngest enticing my cats with wet food. He can't figure out the whole pop-top dealy so mmmmm-yummmm awake to smells of stinky cat food. He then shows me the yellow brick road of cat food he made that stretched from one end of the house to the other.

OHMIGOD,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I forced him to clean the mess up he argued in the biggest loudest whine one could ever imagine. We also have found out since moving we totally grabbed the wrong vacuum cleaner as he had to do his job with a hand held jobby on his hands and knees, followed up by me of course. I haven't seen the news, but my body is telling me more crappy weather ahead and hey woman, these cement floors suck.

I did get a lovely gift from tysabri today. A crappy Christmas red throw and a decent tote bag. When a drug maker sends out Christmas gifts, oh mi god what are the bills going to look like?

So, yeah I am so excited the kids go to school tomorrow. The arrangements were made in advance, so should go smoothly. (hehehehehe) I almost believe that! What really matters is that they indeed do go to school and I will not have to wear ear plugs like I have all day. I recognize that a lot of this is cabin fever, but there is really no escape. So, If ya' hear about a woman in the northwest going stark raving mad and running around in her nightie and slippers, you'll know hey...that's JoJo.

The New Year!

2010-01-01T18:07:00.000-08:00

I can not say it was the calmest new years day, but really is any day calm around here? I did feel some love which is one of my goals. My friend Graham let me know he has started telling his wonderful London story. Thank you Graham, your friendship is a true joy to me.

Nina and Judith saw in the new year by giving birth to a baby boy. This is Nina's second delivery, but the child was sprung from Judith's womb thanks to the marvels of modern medicine!

My friend of the heart Matthew im'd me today and let me know how much he loved my new pictures and well me! I was also issues the honorary Maid of honor if he and his man Gerard ever have a ceremony! Matthew and I lost each other for about 10 years, but he is such a friend that it was like no time had passed at all.

I found my favorite MSRC proponent Charlie Gee... otherwise known as Saltpye and he was so encouraging about the new research and if one had to chose being diagnosed, now is not that bad of a time! He also tells a charming story about going shopping for the very first time in a long time...read and enjoy!

One of my favorite bloggers Kelley has recently become a commenter on my lil' ol' blog which thrills me as she never has less than like 50 comments on her own blog! She also had a tough 2009, so I have decided for both of us 2010 is just gonna RAWK!

My newest friend Raven came by for a visit and we have fast become heart friends. She is an amazing person and wow can this woman write check this out! While visiting she told me another book she has written is being published... real deal not just self publishing deal! Go, girl go!

What can I say other than I cherish all my friends near and far. I wish the ones across the "pond" weren't so far away because I am dying for a get together! I guess the internetz will have to suffice for now! Thank you all for the parts you play in my life and may my journey of additional love keep producing great peeps like I have introduced here!

Happy New Years!

2009-12-31T11:59:00.000-08:00

Tonight the theme is Delaney's Vanilla Irish Creme Whiskey. I am not much of a drinker, but this is one amazing liqueur. I doubt I will see the new year as the monsters seem to have decided that I never need extra sleep and the volume at time of waking must be maximum to annoy me. They also enjoy waking me to a trashed kitchen.

So, new year's goals

1. my monsters will understand that trashing my kitchen in the wee hours leads to immediate loss of privileges.

2. I am an adult and I will be treated as one in every aspect of my life.

3. I will remain true to myself and keep in mind my inner beauty and find ways to tweak the outer to my satisfaction.

4. I WILL RULE AS A SINGLE MOM!

5. I will take care of business I have put off for the new year that involves some advocating for myself and generalized disabilities.

6.I will celebrate womanhood for just that, being a woman and being proud of myself.

7. I will continue to blog and continue to hope that my experiences somehow help or empower someone else.

p.s. wish list

Things I'd like but, do not expect......

guitar lessons for wannabe

co-operative children that can work out their issues without resorting to screams of MOM

absolute resolution of issues that must carry over into the new year, including positive resolution of recent injury due to poor care

a portable dishwasher..........please this should be #1 send all good karma to this wish and well my last one too!

More love in my life to include inner and outer sources

A clean house, that lasts longer than the 6 hours it took for me to do it!

So, yeah I wanna loose 20 lbs and all the normal crap, but this is the real deal. I am praying and devoting my mental/physical/financial resources to the rest because sometime right is right and there is no room for wrong.

HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND MAY YOUR PLANS AND WISHES COME TRUE!

Every day's an adventure

2009-12-29T14:43:00.000-08:00

Today I went and fetched a child from our old neighborhood, yes last week makes it our old neighborhood. I did so knowing somehow, someway somebody gets hurt. It snowed days ago. there is no snow the snow is now sludge/ice.

So friend being the injury genius he is, decided to throw snow balls. Ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. And as always, some one got hurt. Wildman came home with a bloody nose and a busted lip. The child rarely feels pain, so he is more interested in if he's swelling than the actual injury.

Short of banging my head in our new concrete walls, I know not what to do. I agreed to let him come play, but I knew that he winds up lil' gentleman and someone always gets hurt. I swear the kid should wear a sign that says "approach with caution!"

I also fed him for about 6 months, but that concerns me not! He is friends with wannabe, same age and all that but, has no issue at all playing rough and hard with kids oh 5-6 years younger. I believe there is a bit of adhd going on, but my job is to figure out how to let him play here safely.

On kids note, I am going to ramble off as yesterday I was awoken to the noise of kids in house. Not cool. Even un-cooler some kid had broken a toy in half and another child had written F you with scribbles on the side of my recliner. Thank God it was washable, but I involved the parent attached to destructo- kid. I never heard back, but mine are on notice.... If I find a child in my house before I am up and moving there will be serious repercusions!

So, there a mom blog with danger.... shudder eh?

our x-mas

2009-12-28T13:26:00.003-08:00

Okay, so finally a reveal of our family and jojo's short hair. From left to right, Wildman, Lil' gentleman, JoJo and Wannaberockstar! Yes, I do have my hands full!
this was christmas eve pre-celebrations, but just wanted to show off my lovely family!

Wannabe will complain, but that's us in live and living color! So, what can I say except I love these kids who are driving me batty.

May I introduce...

2009-12-27T18:54:00.000-08:00

It is my privlidge to introduce you to my newest heart friend... Skylar. My girl!

We met while I was in the hospital and I have found a true friend of the heart. I know in life we are only allowed so many and I have held one close for 16 years. She will never be replaced, but unfortunately she is in the mountains of N.C. Skylar, my girlfriend is here.

You see her representing this group. She ref's for the roller girl derby here. Wannabe went today as fresh meat. She has many years to wait, but I watched her become interested when I wasn't looking. Next weekend, I am just gonna drop her off.

I have been blessed in so many ways, but finding a true friend of the heart is priceless. I plan on grabbing hold and not letting go any time soon! Everyone has there issues, but who cares. That is what makes us all unique. Those who think they do not are sadly deluded and are missing out on feeling life real and in large living color!

I've always said, it's not if you have baggage, it's how you deal with it. My baggage is being dealt with day by day and every day I aim to have at
least one moment where I am just that, truly in the moment.

There is a Yoga for M.S. class and a water exercise class that I plan on interesting myself in as soon as the kids go back to school. I need all the stress management tools available! I am still questioning why HELP is considered so negative when it's one of the smartest words and tools one can use!

Perhaps one day I will understand, or maybe an enlightened reader can help me grasp this catch 22 scenario? Either way, meet my girl Skylar who will be there when I cry help and vice/versa!

Let's get the celebration on!

2009-12-26T18:34:00.000-08:00

I realize my pink hat is my signature, but there exists at least one other good picture of me! My hair has been cut short, but I will have to work with wannabe to take the right shot!

I am celebrating because our Christmas is now officially done. I gave the kids options of me buying them stuff or gift cards and letting them do the choosing. They chose the cards, so the tree looked pitiful. Tonight; however, we braved the mart of wal and the children chose their gifts.

Wildman chose battle related theme items and of course a fake gun with a scope, gotta have a scope ya' know. We have had the discussion that he is in no way shape or form allowed to be military, but I would allow policeman/S.W.A.T. That was most important as they get the "sniper weapons mom!"

Lil' Gentleman didn't differ much, but he did increase the ram in his PC and bought a machine gun like Nerf gun. Seeing a pattern here? I am trying to think positive. Ya' know like boys have played cowboys and Indians since like uh, forevah. There is some program here that takes boys out to hunt, which would make me much happier as I'd prefer the weaponry be related to hunting and food gathering.

Wannabe' rockstar came out the best of course. I picked her up tentative outfits for roller derby and she got a pink acoustic guitar. She plays the viola with natural skill, but we will see if the school will allow her to take guitar lessons there as well. She was planning on the piano, but maybe we can beg. She has also played the violin as she regularly forgot to take the viola to school.

I'm quite sure there are on-line guitar lessons, but we will push for the school!

I gifted myself with a shower curtain, bath mat and rug. whoooo hooooo! Livin' dangerous eh? Actually after falling sideways out of the tub on moving day, this is living life safer. It's such a bummer growing old and being the parent!

no suprises here!

2009-12-25T15:36:00.000-08:00

Last Night when we arrived home at almost midnight, I knew something was amiss when my male cat met us at the door with an air of mischief. I then went into my room and realized the cat's Christmas stocking was missing. I then saw a lump on the ground.

A lump of clay and a shred of fur. Nearby was a piece of plastic that had been the holder to three furry mice. We began to search and found the missing stocking under my bed with assorted mice parts here and there. A stray tail, and one white one minus tail. My lil' sneaky man was so proud he wouldn't even let me toss the packaging he devoured.

The children were not much better, there were no gifts minus a few that they had not discovered, snuck peaks at edges or packing slips. They are all delightfully happy today with their new found toys and even with things that they knew were coming.

I can remember being no better, but today has definitely been a success. We have had very little arguments and I even managed to sleep in after waking up for the un-wrappings. I believe it's the longest I have slept in two months. Needless to say, I am looking forward to the return to school, so I can get some sleep then actually generate idea's to deal with our limited storage problems. I believe there is an exceptionally soft blanket calling my name for a wee nap. I hope that fun abounded all around today at your homes as well. Merry Christmas to all, even my lil' sneaky ones.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-23T13:07:00.000-08:00

As the season is upon us I want to wish all my friends the merriest of Christmas's. This Christmas is coming upon us much like the move. Things are just falling into place. A tree was donated as it wasn't needed for it's intended purpose and a local church has decided to share their bounty with us as moving really tapped my resources.

We have been invited to Christmas eve services and dinner by some of my new found friends who helped in the move. They truly are kind, giving and the type of people I would like to be known as associated with.

One of my newer friends is home in time for Christmas and we have realized wannabe can become part of the treasure valley roller girls even at her age. I am excited for her and hope she will enjoy it!

I have also discovered the majority of my dressy clothes fit again as I have lost a few lbs and got a great new haircut and feel pretty again. Now soon I'll have to find a reason to be seen looking my best!

There are so many reasons from so many people to be ready for a happy new year! New babies, new jobs, new friends and new fresh starts of life! I feel that this will be a true Merry Christmas and hope the same for all and their family!

And here we are !

2009-12-20T08:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I witnessed the most generous outpouring of human spirit. At least 10+ men showed up with trucks and trailers and safely moved my stuff in two hours. One woman came ahead and was setting up my kitchen.

Another group of kind people had taken my children as the day started poorly. They and the woman I met them through came over unpacked my kitchen and we rearranged until I have a functional living room! All because they were kind God loving people.

I will be still for a few days as I decided to take the curtain rod down in an interesting manner first thing, then fighting the battle with my Siamese we visited the sub-flooring in a quick sudden manner. Needless to say, I will look like I took a good beating in a couple of days! So, at any rate we are all here, no broken bones and my house is all ready live able! Yippee!

So it's really happening?

2009-12-17T10:21:00.000-08:00

Up until now, everything has moved at such a frantic pace it has seemed surreal. I have simply been in do mode. Last night I cracked and yelled at the kids. My youngest had eaten a kiwi and thrown it's outer parts on the floor. Also, in the last week while I was collapsing at night the boys decided that two boxes need air holes, lots of them.

I know that they are under just as much stress if not more as they will be changing schools. Wannabe is pissed off because she has a niche in her school and I am making her leave it. Both boys have neighborhood friends that they could play with almost anytime.

Christmas will be slim, but realistic. The older two are happy with just getting gift cards so they can get what they really want, but my lil' one remembers christmas's past where the tree was dwarfed by packages.

I finally have felt the urge to cry. Something strangely absent since my return home. I guess life has slowed down enough that feelings are starting to seep through. I was starting to think something was wrong with me. This is a sad, yet happy situation. I know that once again, I can do it alone. This time life is different as I am building support systems. I am not going to shoulder all the responsibilites alone. This is big!

So, life begins in 2010 with me awake, aware and alive.

Wow!

2009-12-15T14:25:00.000-08:00

Today a team of powerhouses came in and packed my garage and everything except our food and our piecemeal dishes. I have bruises from head to toes, but I have faith in the common goodness.

These people didn't know me from adam, but they came dug through dust and mold and dirt and didn't complain. How do you thank genuinely nice people? What can I say? I am indebted to you for life?

One of my best friends says I am just getting back my just desserts. I put in 15 some odd years working with the disabled and elderly. I treated my clients with respect and did what they needed to go home.

So, has life been hard lately, OH YES!

Do I feel permanently traumatized? Not at all.

I feel strong and triumphant.

A little lonely perhaps, but that too will pass.

I hope from me others will see, even at the lowest point it could be worse.

You may also find the superwoman/man hiding inside!

To my children (written about 6 years ago)

2009-12-14T16:54:00.000-08:00

To my children,
I hope you understand how much your mommy always loved you. Wannabe was the bright shinning apple of my eye, always brave, always looking for a new friend or adventure.

Lil' gentleman my special sensitive son. I love you so very much never a day went by when you didn't amaze me by making some great cosmic connection. You my son, are a child of the universe.

Wildman, named after Davey Allison, my father, Robert Yates and Robert Allison. You were the happiest baby I have ever met . Never a situation you couldn't laugh at. Silly as silly can be. Strife never affected you because there was always something silly about it.

My babies, I love you. I hope adversity will never take these perfect gifts from you. Wannabe never forget you are beautiful and lil' gentleman you can fix it. Wildman never be afraid to laugh.

YOUR MOMMY LOVES YOU!

Break down

2009-12-13T17:25:00.000-08:00

The accumulated stress is getting to all of us. There is only one working computer at this addy and of course it's in my room. I had no idea how much time they were collectively spending online. I was so exhausted today, I actually fell asleep and took a nap. I never nap!

The house is maybe 1/3rd done. We still have odds ends and the GARAGE.This feels so familiar. Man acts like a jerk and leaves woman with three kids and disability to clean up the mess. Deja vu? Have I been here before.

The kids and I are yelling, screaming and slamming doors! Such healthy ways to deal with stress.Padded room handy anyone? The most entertaining part is the children's biological father wants to come here to see the kids and " make sure he never lays a hand on his or anyone else's kids for that matter!" Redneck meet Idaho! Sounds like a trashy book title.

Apparently monkey man had been rejecting his calls for the last three months, I guess mainly because bio-dad and I had made some grounds into being real and civil with one another. Inferiority complex perhaps?

All I know is that there will be no rest for the weary any time soon! Good Vibes, Good vibes......oooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

And then there was help

2009-12-11T17:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was at my lowest point. I had heard people were going to help me, but I wasn't getting any positive responses. I felt the weight of an entire house to pack plus the divorce proceedings on my shoulders. I was overwhelmed.

Today, help just arrived. A friend followed me to my new addy and helped me do the pre-move in check list. If they didn't like me before, they sure do not now. The lessor also tried to rush me through reading my lease and was unhappy when I noted that I was paying every month in advance as they wouldn't work with my monthly payment that does not come on the first. With out his help I would have missed a lot of stuff.

After dragging home and missing the cable guy I got a phone call from a friend of a friend. She came over and we worked like mad women. Everything but our food and my pretties is packed. A lot of property is in dispute, so I will be leaving most of it, except the items I truly need. Things have a way of providing when you need them. We all need bedroom furniture. I guess I can take my time and buy it bit by bit. I guess it's better to have too little than too much, eh?

I also met my M.S. support group and they were wonderful. There is a man amongst them who represents a HMO type plan which I may really need to consider. He just told me how much my tysabri treatments were going to cost and its astronomical. His plan I'd only have $130.00 or so each month to pay. Like I actually have that much extra haahhaaahhhhaaa.

Well, I'll end this on a note about debt. This comes from my best southern friend. "well they can't eat ya' and if they do you just might like it!" ;-)!

Help is on it's way!

2009-12-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

Yeesterday, I worked like a mad woman. I had some ugly buisness to attend to, then I started folding and seperating clothing. I have another small mountain to go through, but I got the call this morning that there are some women due to come help pack me.

I also contacted lil' gentleman's friends mother and her ladies care group is going to be asked. I was at my lowest yesterday as I looked around the house and garage and thought, there is no way I can do this all alone. I know now, I do not have to! In fact the friends mother was planning on helping someway anyway.

As it has been said many, many times before.... things always get worse before they get better. In this I am just reffering to my moving situation. The person with the monkey is out of my life for good. I have slept wonderfully and I feel free. Free from ridicule, free from theft, free from the emotional abuse and expectations that I was going to tell him what to do and how to live daily.

I am free from being his expected cheerleader to boost his ego and self esteem. I wish he would have gotten more help and learned to value himself in an intrinsic manner, but oh well. I have 3 children and me to worry about.

So, that is my priority. Myself and these wonderful, amazing, anoying children. Now I can rest a little knowing help is en route.

To a friend

2009-12-07T08:57:00.000-08:00

I could not find the exact shoe, but just imagine red lil' stop signs that mean stop global warming..

To my friend, you are kind, caring and funny. You have amazing artistic talents that you should never, ever give up on!

You have had much loss, but It is making you stronger, I swear.

You are in my thoughts, heart and prayers. Get well and get back into life. You are missed!

a day of rest hahahahahaha

2009-12-06T12:50:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday, right folks? I even woke up and said well even the big guy rested, but I'm afraid no sightings of rest ahead. It doesn't help that some child of mine turned the thermostat up to 76 degrees and I am melting ! I wonder if they will ever learn mommas M.S. can't take the heat!? Grrrrrrr!

So, Sunday I should be thankful so....

In one week I procured a new abode for the chickens and I. I have gone through a year and a half of paperwork. Sorted and catalogued by priority.

Everyone I have asked for help has responded in some way shape or form. I will keep in contact with at least three different friends made during my hospitalization.

I have a great new Dr who has relieved my pain and helped me sleep with out side effects.

I am in control of my life and even the big bad wolf doesn't scare me.

I have full faith we will make it through the move with all appendages intact.

My Internet friends are just the best evah!

I am saddened by the turn of events, but not enough to compromise my beliefs or safety.

So, I am tired as I can be, but even that is not taking this awesome JoJo down!

Some one sat on my head!!!!!!

2009-12-05T16:32:00.000-08:00

I realize it may seem like I am blogging like a mad woman, but blogging is forcing me to stop, rest and think about other things than my upcoming move.

So.... the sat on my head story. My last day at the hospital I was finally sleeping like a babe. Medication, breakfast, who cares I pulled my blankey up high and ignored everyone. UNTIL....

SQUASH! I don't know if I cried out, moaned or what, but I was awake then. A poor lost soul had plopped her large rump on head. She said something about " is this room..." which I replied NO!

My roommate wandered in and I told her with a cross between annoyed and confused look on my face "someone just sat on my head." She sought help and in came the nurse. I started to tell her and by this time it was becoming funny.

I described the event and commented I didn't know if I smelled breakfast or some one's nether region.(fish) The nurse began to laugh, full large belly laughs until she had to hold herself up on the wall.

It was at that moment I decided it was time for me to go home. The higher powers gave me an angel to grasp and keep for security. The hospital gave me a uncomfortable good morning via the "head sitting woman" so out the door I went.

The only life lesson I found in this is thank God I sleep on my side and laughter truly is the best medicine. So please find it in yourself to laugh, giggle or snicker because it just don't come any funnier!

A poem written for Across in '07

2009-12-05T10:17:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow the girls will set out on a mission
In some places it's even a tradition

Bags ready they will go, off tho camp happily
what an adventure it will be

The sun kissed look, gold in the hair, what better a place than
to get it there?

The Boyz will have us to them
I know they will be jolly lil' men

The wonder I have watched unfold before my eyes, as we have become as one and wise

A family which has become new and happy.
Some times it tears at the heart even when we were being wacky.

The night which will be last, we are going to stay awake and hold fast

The beautiful thing that has become us,
even when there is a wee bit o' fighting or fuss

The capacity to love in me has blossomed
as I now have pairs of boyz and girls that are awesome

Cry we will when a part of us leaves,
nothing can replace the hole in our heart that bleeds.

In two years she has decided she will come and we will be the cornerstone of her life,
holding on while we can until the discovery of herself begins to cause strife

Loving and letting go are such and oxymoron
We hope we can keep a large bit just to hold on.

The cycle of life moves ever on,
wasn't it just yesterday I was putting diapers on?

A change it will be,
I can only hope my babies will stay as close as they can to me.

love conquers all, so they say
It must be the truth or so I pray

Always a theme in life,
so beautiful and capable of such strife.

The love of a new mom will bring her coming home,
especially when she gets her urge to roam.

Across, no matter what happens I will always love you as my daughter!

And the god's smiled

2009-12-04T17:23:00.000-08:00

Tonight, by no design all of my children are spending the night elsewhere. Yipee! No, no big party planned, but after I muck through more papers I just may be able to take a bath with a candle lit and walk around nekkid. *windows and blinds closed, of course!*

The cat's and I have the whole big mess of a house to ourselves! I so needed some time to myself as I am doing so much every day. Perhaps me and that bottle of vanilla irish creme will get cozy? Who know's could be a story there!

My friend Graham may have London, but I have a night alone with all the chickens accounted for! ( big mischevious smile ) ;-)!!!!!

My miracle

2009-12-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

Whilst I was hospitalized I had a miracle. I know many don't or will not believe, but I do. I had just changed rooms and had spent a fairly sleepless night due to the regular check ins and m.s. neuritis pain. My bedside table was empty.

The next day I saw something that looked like trash on my bedside table.I thought maybe it was the end of a wrapper of a lifesavers pack. Ya' know silver and round. I didn't give it much thought until another woman mentioned she always found dimes when she felt the spirit of her ex- husband. So, I thought again and looked.

On my bedside table lying there was a silver pressed angel. I was awake all night so when did it come? Well, I slept with it in my hand and kept it either next to my heart or in my pocket. I drug it back out today as the monkey and the person it's attached to showed up at my house.

Things got dark and ugly fast! I will have to take care of business tomorrow, but it pains me as it has to be this way. I can't say I have formulated a lesson learned, but the angel is back in my pocket and will be staying there for a good while.

I know we all need someone to believe in. For me just holding a silver angel disk is enough. For now!

pride or stupidity?

2009-12-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

I have always considered myself a very independent person. I was in college by 17y.o. of which I worked my way through and into my first career job at 20. When it came to find my first job I interviewed in GA, SC, NC and a few others spots. I drove most of it. The company in Atlanta flew me down.

While in college one of my last clinicals was in MN, by my choice. I took a very long Am track trip followed by a hotel stay then a taxi to an out lying area. I learned how to take the buses back into Minneapolis to explore and I found the sky walks and h2o+. (The best body care products ever!)

Recently, I went to Seattle by myself. I flew out alone very early in the morning then used up my spare time exploring Pike Place market and parts of downtown. I had my Dr.s appointment stayed in one of the hospital's ancient hotels and repeated the process backwards the next day.

I guess what I am trying to say is I have always met life head on with an I will do this or die trying attitude.

Now that my health has slowed me down, I have had to learn to not just ask, but beg for help. I need help packing and moving our belongings. I have called at least 15 agencies and 3 churches. I had to ask for help the first day out of the hospital as I came home to no Internet, which meant no phone as we run skype. I had to have help as I fixed all of that.

My parent's had to help me get into our new diggs. HELP!! Why do we as a society as a whole feel that this word means weakness. Our beginnings of our country were based upon the help of the natives to those clueless Europeans.

If asking for help means I have no pride, so be it. I am broadcasting plea's for help far and wide. JoJo and her kids need help getting moved! I don't feel ashamed or any less proud of myself. If anything I am proud that I have the sense to beg.

I hope someone, somewhere wanders by and can be helped by my feelings of "I am not above begging!"
Thank you all who read or lurk. I feel your luv!

Amen!!!

2009-12-02T18:25:00.000-08:00

I have found a new home for the kids and I!

I also discovered property management companies are quite slippery. I gave them a deposit, and application fee and then I had 24 hours to give them everything else they needed or they would have kept my money????

I got yelled at by the realtor/management person because I asked to sit and wait while my paperwork was processed. He even went so far as to say that if I didn't apologize he wouldn't let me live there. HUH?

Anyway I'll keep this short and sweet we have a forward destination and now I am just praying and begging everyone for help packing and physically moving!

Here's to a new start for the new year!

That cat o' mine

2009-12-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

Today I had to talk a Doctor into stating my cat was a medical necessity. It was to save me some money, but as we talked I realized how important she really is.

My Lila literally herds us like kittens. Years ago, even when she was a mere babe, if we missed an alarm she would howl and howl until someone woke up. She saved our collective butts at least 10 times that I remember.

We now have two younger kittens. If it is bedtime and they are not in the house she will prowl the house looking for them until we let them inside or she finds them. She always lets them eat first even if it's a treat such as tuna or stinky wet food.

At bedtime she begins to call me. When I finally drag myself to bed and turn the light off she walks up to my side kneads her little paws and lies on a pillow under my arm against my tummy.

My eyes were opened after a licensed psychologist wrote, "it is imperative that the cat remains part of their daily stress management routine.... without this companion the family's emotional needs will suffer and the family's stress and anxiety will likely escalate significantly."

Wow, what a way to put it. I have realized animals are such a huge part of our lives even when sometimes we just think of them as another mouth to feed. As for me, when I lie down to bed tonight I will know that beautiful Siamese under my arm, snuggled against my belly is as important as any friend I have ever known.

I couldn't make this crap up if I tried....

2009-11-30T15:54:00.000-08:00

Another installment of day by day living, I must say my yen/yang are as strong as me...I guess. Any hoo...Last night as I was falling asleep I hear my oldest aka. Wannabe vomit. I drug myself out of bed and began to bleach the toilet. I did this and went back to bed.

Apparently she vomitted all night long. She's also had a snotty cough, runny nose, sore throat going on. So, off to the Dr. we went. The physician was thorough and I was impressed. They knew I had other kids waiting once school let out so they worked quickly, maybe too quick...

Wannabe had both nostrils swabbed, her throat scraped, urine checked and then a phenergan shot. After the phenergan shot she had her blood drawn. Like her moms she isn't an easy stick. So rushing through they brought in the best and drew her blood as the anti-nausea medicine was just hitting her. We were then sent out the door.

We got to the place where you hand over the paper, through the exit door and she says " Mom I can't see!" In micro slow motion I watched my wannabe pass out into the floor. Obviously I beat on the plexi-glass divider and a loud stat for nurses was called. By the time I pulled the car around she had been fed a juice and was starting on crackers.

My heart was in the floor with her. My oldest, strongest child who has helped me out of the floor was there herself. Oh, how scary it is when the tables turn. We need good vibes people lots and lots of positive thought to back me up!

On the flip side of the quarter I think I found our new home today. I will know for sure tomorrow, but it's exactly what we need.I have full faith that the forces that be are leading me in the right direction. So, yin/yang, fate, destiny who cares our life is working out all right and that's the way its gonna stay!

Are you for real?

2009-11-29T21:16:00.000-08:00

For those who don't know my background I put 20 years into Occupational Therapy, the art of making others lives better and more in dependant. Some of my work was hands on. If a person was recovering from a stroke, limbs needed range of motion, stimulation and whole body training to help the two sides of the brain re-connect. I was quite good at my job and of course I miss it.

Every now and again I run into people claiming to be providing similar services such as myofascial release.This involves deep tissue and the muscles coating to be worked in such a manner as to let knots and areas of stress release.

And then there is this..... please be warned what you just saw may burned your eyes or caused stomach discomfort or just a general case of the hee bee gee bees. This person claims to be able to transform your life. Hmmmmmm, so what do you think?

She lives

2009-11-29T13:21:00.000-08:00

Well hello again my friends! I have quite a long and involved story to tell, so if ya' don't care I wouldn't suggest reading this.

Oh, where to begin......... I last left you with me starting the M.S. drug re-bif. I can say without a doubt it was one of the hardest treatments I have endured to date. Every other day I felt like a steam roller had squashed me. The days between I was left like a limp noodle. The medication and my new diagnosis left me in a severe depressed state ( hence the disappearance of JoJo).

Unbeknown st to me during this time my married partner was stealing and abusing my medications. He was stealing pain killers, muscle relaxants and any thing he could get his hands on. I just found out he was also stealing and begging the same from a friend from college. He is still in rehab as I type this, but what little conversation we have had, has led me to the conclusion that he, myself and the monkey on his back are not compatible.

Having been renting from my in-laws, they kindly served an eviction notice to me. I, myself had to be hospitalized to re- adjust my medications. After only two weeks I am stronger physically and emotionally. Despite this plate full of crap I was handed I figure if I handled that and this.... I can handle anything.

So, My name of this blog may be "just JoJo," but I am far from just here. I am here and I am amazing. I am here and I am spectacular. I know for fact I am one of the kindest and sweetest souls that anyone who stumbles across me has the privilege of getting to know.

To those whom all ready know this I have been thinking of you and your past kindness to me was in my heart and soul. I have missed you all and I am back in full force.

FYI: anyone reading this thinks that my kind, sweet soul is naive, think again. JoJo knows better!

lots o' kleenex needed

2009-07-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

Well, it hasn't quite been a month, but oh has it been a month. I am not going to go into the nitty gritty ( I'll tell you all about it later JEAN.)

What I am going to tell about is the weirdest side effect of the Re-bif. I was warned about a lil' emotional instability, but no one pre- pared me for all this. I have become, well a crybaby.
I can laugh at it because it's just gotten to the funny point. I recently saw one of my M.D.'s and immediately warned her. I was slap full of the dreaded meds and I started apologising and some of it went this way.

(tears) "I'm really not depressed" (more tears)

(tears, sniffle) "I'm a tough woman"(sniffle, tears)

(sniffle, sniffle tears) " I am so so sorry" (tears, tears, sniffle)

Obviously, I'll be starting something new to counteract the bucket o' tears, but god love my DR she recognized that I was indeed being affected by the meds. I laugh every time I tell it and hope some one besides me recognizes the irony here. I certainly would be thinking "well of course your not sweetie."... wink wink nod nod.

So, I have lot's of stories to tell as I try to drag my butt back up after the make me look like a big ol' baby three times a week meds and soon will be girls day at the hair dresser after I beg the pics. from my other daughter. Maybe I will show my short hair after all ? We will just have to see.

When the mood strikes

2009-06-24T18:02:00.000-07:00

I have been absent lately, with good reason of course. I am thinking of labeling myself as either an "as the mood strikes" or "when I'm ready to talk" blogger.

I will give my pitiful reasons well just because. I got a nasty kidney infection that was one of the worst I can remember and I am no newbie there. My husband then decided that he needed to scare me hysterical by having a grand mal seizure. It was a medication thing, but some idjit decided he also needed a boatload of strong narcotics. He couldn't handle them and turned into a mean sob.

I am starting to come to terms with the whole spinal cord full of goo issue. Apparently I have some form of the progressive type and almost every dr. looks at me with the unsaid words of "WTF- how is she walking." I think my body has decided Nah, just not gonna go down like that.

In my incessant need for some greater meaning, I think I have found that apparently my proficiency for hope was not what I thought it was. I am however; finding lil' pockets of hope emerging like the tiny lil' buds of 'maters and peppers in my garden.

I hope this isn't sounding like a poor me, because really it's an I think I'm gonna be allright.
Any way I've missed you all during my drama break, but I think I still got some stuff to say!

The up side/ I am a freak magnet

2009-05-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

The last year has just been rough. I spent 6-8 months on an injectable medication that I did not do well on. It was so bad that at one point I was mostly bed bound. My focus by medical direction then changed to an incurable tumor. I guess if there was any silver lining to all of this I have learned to live in the moment.

It is a difficult sometimes unachievable task, but having talked to others I have found that persons faced with their own mortality often become able to re-adjust their priorities. When faced with the possibility of not being around much longer what is most important becomes very clear.

I have learned to measure my days by simple pleasures. Snuggling with my boyz on the couch and having true conversations matter.I have found that focus on what is good is so important. Learning to accept my limitations has just been hard. My happy little ( and I do mean little) garden is a great joy to me. Sometimes I just feel less than adequate as 5 years ago I could have planted my entire garden in a few hours. This year I have had to spread it out over weeks.

I think one such example of me happily being in the moment occured while I was in the airport in Seattle. I think of this episode as the " miracle water woman."

I was sitting and enjoying my third ( yes three) and final meal of salmon as I prepared to come home. Off topic, I must say if ever in Seattle EAT THE SALMON! Anyhoo, it was a feast for the senses. Each bite of the pink fish flaked and melted in my mouth. It swam in a rich buttery sauce interspersed with chunks of roasted red peppers. It co-existed with a gorgeous nutty pilaf dancing with pine nuts, plump raisins and soft sauteed scallions.

While I was savoring each bite with glee an airport weirdo lay in wait. As I rested and enjoyed my full belly amazing food high a walking medalion wearing, fancy electro-modified water misting woman emerged.

I was having a moment. I had just enjoyed an awesome meal and I was gazing across the courtyard area marveling the well balanced hanging plants and the ease at which most travelers were lounging.

She approached me saying " I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I have been noticing that you have an amazing aura and you look so at ease and content. I have been watching you and seeing you eat was like an elegant ballet. Everyone should eat the way you were, you just chewed each and every bite." I didn't say to her that the salmon was borderline orgasmic good, but I appreciated the compliment. I also think other people must have noticed my happy food moment as the lounge area I was sitting in suddenly became full of people deciding they would eat something after all.

I never did fully catch what she was selling/promoting but I did score a squirt bottle of electro-modified "miracle water." She also gave me a tea bag that included some type of mega-mushroom compound. I kinda giggled at the thought of the " miracle water," but I have found that misting myself with water when I feel too hot is kinda helpful. Becoming overheated causes M.S. to worsen, so hey I have found some good benefit.

I guess the point of all of this other than making myself really crave some salmon is that despite all this crap I have dealt with I have found one wonderful benefit. I have learned to live in the moment and fully appreciate good things around me. I know for fact that people sometimes search their entire life in search of a zen-like state. Maybe it's like most things in life, the journey is hard, unexpected and involves a price some may not be willing to pay.

Oh, and no matter where I go I am like a bug light. The weirdo just tend to flock to me, I wonder what that says about me? HMMMMMMM?

Happy Memorial day weekend all!

End of the long wait

2009-05-13T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have been back over a week from my day trip in Seattle. It was a wonderful experience. Downtown Seattle is definitely a must-see. I hope to post some about the adventures in Pike Place Market and wandering the the area by foot and bus.

I am still digesting the actual purpose to the visit. I went there to see a prominent neurologist who specializes in weird cases of M.S. I have finally gotten a definite diagnosis. I have Multiple Sclerosis.I did a MRI of my neck and skull the day before I travelled. Even to my untrained eye I could see the new lesions in my brain. The first brain lesions since this process began.

The actual appointment went as had been par for course. The D.R. looks at the films, looks at me. Looks at the films and looks at me. I am really quite lucky. The size of the goo my spinal cord is allowing to take over is really, really large.

In a way I couldn't have planned it any better. My flight got in quite early and I could not check into my hotel until early afternoon. I had spent the morning navigating bus stops, searching for my destination, shopping and dreaming all on foot. By the time I got to my appointment I was really quite tired. Tired enough that I had become to get a bit clumsy and I was starting to stumble over my words.

In her words, " your exam is good, you look good. You definitely don't walk very normal, tho."
I've never been all that graceful, so I don't really notice it until I wear myself out.
That is exactly what I had done, and in this case it was useful.

I am still struggling with it all. I know that I should be happy that I have been spared so many physical problems (for now) and I am no longer waiting in limbo. I'm really kinda still pissed now.I know that this too shall pass, but it's where I am.

Thank you, my friends for your show of support! I promise pictures and adventure stories soon!

Getting ready for take off

2009-04-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

I decided that I would go ahead and go to the appointment with the specialist in Seattle, WA. My flight is scheduled and I have reservations at a hotel room nearby. I am starting to get a little bit excited.I do not have increadibly high hopes as to the outcome of my refferal, but I hope to enjoy Seattle while I am there.

I am not new to exploring alone. While finishing college, I amtracked from Virginia to Minnesota to do a three month clinical in a large state run mental hospital. It was more than a little bit crazy, no pun intended. What I learned from the experience was that trying new things, albiet scary made some of the most wonderful experiences of that period in my life. I learned the bus routes and took the bus into Minneapolis where I used the sky walks to explore the posh shopping and cultural areas of Downtown. I went to the library and shopped in exclusive locales. It was wonderful!

So in that frame of mind I will be setting off for Seattle. I will be ariving early in the morning and I can not check into my motel until afternoon so I have the morning to explore. Getting there early, I am not so sure what I will find open, but I am sure I will be hungry. I am not much of a cofee drinker; however, I have become enamored with hot tea as of late. I expect to visit atleast one if not two of the notorious coffee shops.

While there, even though my budget will be tight I will be looking for things Seattle unique. We can get Seattle chocolates and coffee here, but I am sure there will be something unique that I can find. I also have the benefit of mother's day! These kids always seem to know just what I want heeheee.I may try to find a library or book shop as I will be exploring on foot and will need to pace myself.

I am thinking I should probably eat some local seafood while I am there as well. I hope to be able to return before the year is out as my in-laws have a condo there. I hear it is a truely unique experience and I would like to do it with a bit more leisure and have the rest of the family along as well.

So, there it is. I am officially excited to go to Seattle. I want to drink tea and coffee, lounge in bookshops. Explore and shop, perhaps I'll even manage to squeeze in an appointment with a doctor.

If anyone has any experience or knowledge about my upcoming trip, please leave a comment. I hope to have pictures, hopefully passable and some stories to tell!

A chore or a bunch of fun?

2009-04-18T14:39:00.000-07:00

Last week I finally received a goodly amount of back owed child support. We definitely need the money now as my husband just lost his job. Despite all of that I decided that no matter what the kids needed some things. Both of the boyz shoes had holes in them and were falling apart. I hadn't bought any of the children new clothes in about a year. While living with my parents, we were given many garbage bags full of hand-me-downs. I am so not above it! Plus, a lot of the parents had really good taste.

So, off we went. We first went out to a "close out club" sale. It turned out to be a fairly large flea market with a considerable door fee. We did manage to use the savings and both boyz got two pairs of shoes for the price of one on sale pair.

We then went to J.C. Penny's. No one was all that excited, but they tend to run fairly good sales. I sent Wannabe over to look in the girls section to look and the real struggle started. I have used this store in the past as they have a somewhat decent selection in the girls plus sizes. Wannabe hates shopping because she is not so easy to dress. Not only is she heavy, but she has a strange figure. She carries most of her weight in a pot belly feature. I can tell you without a doubt most of the "cool" clothes right now require a tiny frame.

I also dislike shopping now as I have gained weight and I keep telling myself that I will buy clothing after I have lost 20 lbs. I can only image what she was feeling as she wants to feel and look cool. I did persist and in the end she now has quite a collection of emo/goth clothing. Black and this season's bright plum prevailed.

We did a little better at Old Navy. There clothing now runs a little bigger and some items are cut with actual thought to the human and female body. My favorite of the day was a ruffled trapeze tank. It flattered her figure so I bought several colors. I also bought a long open cardigan seen above and paired it with a necklace as seen above.

I know this isn't a mom blog, but I feel very mom as I was able to dress my daughter well and with style.It was a chore and it is discouraging at times to see her try and not be able to wear the things she wants to, but in the end persistence paid off and I hope that she is learning how to dress her body as that is something we must all learn to do.

When to have the talk?

2009-04-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

Today on Oprah two mothers brought in their 14 year old children to discuss the fact that they felt they were ready to have sex. 14 ????? I know that we live in a different world, but 14?

My step-daughter has just turned 13 and now has her second boyfriend. Of course, she "loves" him. I am so worried that we need to be having this talk and a few others. I am seeing a set of negative behaviors that really concern me.

While she was here for her spring break her attitude and behavior raised some red flags. Having spent last summer with her I was quite aware that she could be moody, but this was off the charts. She was short tempered and sulky. More concerning to us was how caught up in her new "love" she was. She spent the majority of her time either on the computer or phone or talking about the boy. At one point she and the boyfriend had a disagreement and she yelled at everyone nearby then quite literally pouted. Yes, I am aware some of this is teenaged behavior, but it appears that she is wrapping her self worth into this relationship.

She also has loaned the same boy her PSP, her cellphone and most recently her new I-pod nano which he somehow lost! The PSP was broken and her phone did not come back for two days. Okay, maybe it's just stuff, but what else is she willing to do for this boy to keep him involved or loving her?

Of all the things I want for my children, not taking stupid crap from their partner is probably tops. My ex-husband, the "bio-dad" was mentally and physically abusive. I did more things than I am probably willing to remember just to keep the peace. I let him walk all over me and gave him permission to do it.

I guess my big issue is that I see some of me in her. You want my valuable possesions? Well sure, but only because you love me. So what if this is my only week with my dad for a while, your my boyfriend and you LOVE me. Yell at me because you are mad, well okay. After all, You Love Me.

I am aware of the fact that we especially being the part-time parents will probably not be able to keep her from becoming intimate. We can not make her see that her new love is just the immature talk of young hormonal teenagers. We can not control the things that she loans to this obviously irresponsible child.

We will be limiting her computer time and phone time this summer. I will do my best to keep the communication honest and open. I will intervene where I can, but can I help her to value her opinion of herself indedpendant of her relationship? I can only hope.

To go or not to go...

2009-04-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

I have re-written this a few times now as I always feel whiny when I talk about my health, but the truth is- I am just plain conflicted.

Next month I have a long awaited appointment with a Multiple Sclerosis specialist in Seattle, WA. I could beg off or reschedule as the trip will be costly. I must fly to Seattle, taxi to Virginia Mason possibly stay in a hotel, etc.

The trip will also be costly emotionally. Every test, every specialist I hope that perhaps this will be when I get the answers. This is when I finally get the diagnosis so I can deal with it and start some sort of treatment. Not knowing is hard, but not knowing for almost two years is just ridiculous.

Almost two years ago, my left hand went numb. Not tingly slept on my hand wrong numb, but " no really I cant feel my fingers numb." I saw my regular pain doctor (long story- another time) and she suggested that we get a MRI as I probably had a blocked nerve. Many valium and a few hours later I got a call from my good doctor asking me to go back for a MRI of my brain ASAP. I had my second MRI that night at midnight. Needless to say, I read my own paperwork requesting a brain scan to diagnose for M.S. or tumours. Almost two years later, we are still vacillating between the two extremes.

I started daily Copaxone shots on the diagnosis of most likely. I stopped them on the basis of probably not. I was encouraged to start weekly intra-muscular shots of Avonex on the basis of most likely again. I decided not to start any regime until I had a more firm diagnosis. That and the answer to my question of "what will it hurt?" Answer being "we will take regular tests to check your liver."-

I think I am most frightened to hear and answer of without a doubt you have Multiple Sclerosis. I know it is so wrong to prefer the idea of cancer, but I honestly do. M.S. is such a hopeless diagnosis. Nothing can be done, treatment is subjective and invasive. There is no definite outcome and the disease process varies from person to person. I could lose my locomotion or perhaps my mind. Strangely enough most of my M.S. like symptoms resolved after I stopped using the Copaxone shots.

I no longer log symptoms or record day to day doings as suggested by the makers of the immunotherapy drugs, but what ever this disease is, it affects me daily. I have almost two years logged into waiting, trying to accept not knowing. I do not know which frightens me more. More years of not knowing or finally getting the answer I just do not want.

So, will I go- probably. Will I enjoy the trip- probably not. Will I keep an open mind? We will just have to wait and see.

You might be a genius if....

2009-04-08T10:54:00.001-07:00

You can successfully navigate the mountains of paperwork needed to apply for assistance by the Federal government. I could start on about corporations and payouts and stimulus, but I really think that horse is dead, having been beat thoroughly. Instead I want to grouse about how freaking hard it is to get help.

Last week my husbands position as an office manager was eliminated, so we have begun the process of looking for any reprieve anywhere. I have been watching the news and hearing the stories with trepidation knowing that there was no way we would be spared somehow, someway. In my immediate family we are three sisters, now that the husband is jobless only one out of three husbands has work. In my husband's family including us only one of three husbands is working.

The last time I was forced to swallow my pride and beg for help I remember I had to keep a special portfolio to collect all the needed information to present to the proper agencies. It was never just as easy as going through old bills, there was always something more, something insanely difficult to prove. This was also pre-katrina and the subsequent fraud so I am quite sure it has only gotten harder.

What I do remember was the intelligence of the participants and how savvy they were to this complicated system. I remember them telling me when to apply for what, how to make my application look better and in general how to work this system.

Amidst all of this I somehow lost my medicare part D prescription coverage and needed a prescription to be filled. A prescription that out of pocket would be $400.00. I spent the better part of four hours on the phone dealing with medicare, pharmacies and my former insurer. I will have coverage starting again in May, but there is little I can do until then. There is a program for this situation and I even found a pharmacy willing to try to help; however my former insurer has not updated my records to Medicare. Because of this it appears that I am still covered so therefore I am not eligible for the urgent situation intervention.

At one point the helpful pharmacist said to me, I guess they think if they make it hard enough you will just give up. She's right there have been other times in my life of which I could have qualified for help, but the sheer daunting process of fighting for it was too much. I can guess the amount of help we will receive will depend on the amount of determination we put forth. Having three children in the house and a part-time forth who eats as much as the three leaves us with no options.

I know things will get better, the sun comes out and all that happy crap, but I would really like to know when someone if ever is going to address the mountain of bullshit that comes with being an honest citizen and trying get a little assistance from this great country.

To old friends

2009-03-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

I keep trying to find a way to describe one of my oldest friends and not doing such a good job so I am just going to talk about why I always and still loved him.

Number one, he thinks I am beautiful and always did. We recently caught up for the first time in a decade and one of his statements was... " of course you are beautiful, I don't have ugly friends!" I have to say I agreed with him even if I have been telling myself you are still beautiful on the inside a lot lately.

Number two, he was never embarrassed to be around me when we were teenagers living in redneck central. I dressed like a hippie and he a GQ model, but we went where ever we wanted and always had a blast.

Number three, our fights were never all that serious. The only disagreement I can remember is the time we went to see Edward Scissorhands. He thought it was sad, I thought it was the dumbest thing I had ever sat through.

Number four, he was the only person I ever got into trouble with for doing nothing. For some reason I do not remember I used to sneak out of my house so we could sit on the road and talk and goof off. We really were not doing anything wrong in all actuality he was quite a prude. I don't ever remember him drinking much less considering doing anything any more reckless.

Number five, We spent many, many hours in laughter. My minds eyes still goes back to a time when we decided to start tossing parts of dinner rolls out of a window which then landed on a window of a classmate driving behind us. Neither one of us could stop giggling long enough to apologize properly.

Number six, I always felt safe with Matthew. He drove me everywhere and took me to places I would have never visited without him. We drove to deserted parts of a rural county where if we had been stranded, could have possibly spent days without help. During all of our escapades I never once felt scared. I was with Matthew, nothing bad would happen.

Number seven, I felt the loss of his friendship for the years we were estranged more than any person I know. He recently said to me " I love you and will always be family to me." I couldn't have said it any better. He was a friend and constant companion during some of the most tumultuous hormone ridden years of my life and will always have a special place in my heart.

So, even though the chances are good you will never read this, I just want to say that I am so glad we found each other again and I hope I never loose you! In my minds eyes we are young, dumb and happy forever!

Cuz 'ya asked

2009-03-24T12:09:00.000-07:00

My last post concerned a 9 year old boy who was sleeping over at my house, sleeping over without knowing where his parents were. Well..... the next day lil' G's friend called his mother. From what of the conversation I overheard, the mother instructed the child to ask to stay another night. I agreed, with the conditions that I have some phone numbers. The little boy then called his older brother and instructed him to do the same.

This still struck me as a bit odd, but it wasn't until we spent more time with the boy that I started to be glad that my house was open to him. Day two in sleeping over the husband took the kids to get some Mickey D 's (I swear we don't eat crap often!) The little boy insisted on buying his own food, so he let him. After eating, he took some french fries to his brother who was staying nearby.

Wow, what a great kid, huh? I might add again that his brother is at least 12 years old. That night after dinner he thanked us for the meal and made a passing comment that his mother had never made that. What manners! I have to say it wasn't much, just some spaghetti that was thrown together. So, maybe mom doesn't cook?

He stayed again and well his attitude seemed almost relieved when I exerted some parental rights and made them go to sleep. I have to say when I checked in on them that night, I felt like I was seeing one of my own chickens asleep.

His mother did drop some things off for him, but he saw her outside of the house. I didn't get to meet or speak to her, again. Since they would come and pick him up on day three, I assumed I would meet a parent then.

The next morning, they showed up to pick him up quite early. I wasn't up and moving yet, but I heard the interaction. It went something like this:

"Thank you for letting him stay, was he good?"

" We really appreciate you keeping him, are you sure he wasn't any trouble?"

and so on. I was a bit confused as the voice saying all these things didn't quite sound like a parent. Well, it wasn't. His pre-teen aged brother had come in to collect him. The same brother that the child would have been staying the night with had he not been with us. The same brother that he took food to. The same brother that he would have gone to if I had let him when he was scared.

After he left, it occurred to us that these children seem to be awfully close. Close in the way that you don't see often. It reminded me of children who are protecting household secrets or maybe have had to fend for themselves a good bit. I can not speculate as to what goes on in this household. I simply do not know.

I do know that I often doubt my parenting skills. My children are not expected to take care of the house, but they do clean up after themselves (when asked.) My oldest can cook a meal by herself. My children can get themselves up and ready for school without me. I hope that they can do these things because I have shown them how. I am always around and open to what they are doing and thinking. I do enforce household rules and bedtimes.

In being around other children I often wonder if I am parenting in a different time. My children have chores, they get grounded, they help me when I ask and if I thought it actually worked I would spank. To me this all sounds practical. I was personally raised with a fear of god and my father. We were not beaten, but if necessary we had to go get "the belt." It wasn't a wear every day belt. As a matter of fact, I don't remember him wearing it at all, but oh good lord if you tried to go fetch the wimpy canvas belt......

Anyway, I guess what I am getting at is even though I rarely feel like mother of the year, maybe I am not doing such a bad job? At any rate I have decided that his friend is welcome to stay with us anytime and I will be go out of my way to make him feel at home.

Unthinkable

2009-03-21T09:49:00.000-07:00

Today I have an extra child. One of the 'lil gentlman's friends walked home with him to spend the night. Having lived here less than a year, I am always happy when the children form new bonds. Additionally the child that is staying with us is good natured and I am not having any problems.

Yeah, that's all good right? Maybe not so much. His friend got a little homesick and started to cry. This is his first sleepover without his older brother. I was a little cranky at the time and decided we would all feel better if I went to Kentucky's best and rewarded us all with a bucked of lard.

While driving the boys to get the chicken, my son tells me that his friend wants to see his brother who is somewhere nearby. I then find out that his parents are out of town. WTF???? I ask the child " where are your parent's at?" His response was " the north west." Well, that covers about 5 states!

As of yet, we have had no phone call nor do we have any indication that his parent even know where he is at. After putting on the nice mom face and trying to make the child feel a little more welcome, it occurs to me what serious problems we could face if the unthinkable happened.

If this child were to get sick or hurt, we would have no authority to do anything for him. We do not know where his parent's are nor do we have their phone numbers. This child would have to be declared a ward of the state to get emergency medical treatment. My daughter knows his brother and knows who he is staying with but not necessarily how to get in touch with him either.

I do blame myself for not demanding more information. I did have a suspicion that we were being elected babysitters when the child called and asked to stay over. I wrote it off as paranoia and didn't say anything. I am now kicking myself. I really do not mind the child and want all my kid's friends to feel comfortable here, but this puts a mountain of liability onto us. Liability we did not agree to!

I am not quite so sure what to say to his parents when they come collect him today. They will come collect him as I WILL NOT allow this child to leave my care without knowing he is with who he belongs to.

Really, what would you do?

I have nothing to say so I did a meme

2009-03-16T08:06:00.000-07:00

I have borrowed this meme from Tara R. who is always a wonderful read and leaves sweet comments.By taking the award, one must:

A: re-word a question you did not like and add a new question of your own

B: tag eight other bloggers (this I will not do, but Tara can count mine!)

1) What are you wearing right now? Black yoga pants, tee-shirt and robe

2) What is your biggest fear? not living to see my children become adults

3) Do you nap a lot? No, only if I am really sick

4) Who is the last person you hugged? My oldest son

5) What websites to you visit when you go online? Blogs, medical articles, weird news

6) What was the last item you bought (besides groceries)? A blue bath mat

7) If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? India

8) If you woke up tomorrow and were the opposite sex, what is the first thing you would do? check out my junk

9) Has a celebrity’s hair cut ever influenced your own hairstyle? No

10) What is your most embarrassing moment? I grew up as a southern baptist preacher's daughter, so not so many things qualify.

11) What was the last movie you watched? Transporter 3

12) If you had a whole day to yourself with no work, commitments, or interruptions what would you do? Drive to a random spot and explore

13) What is your favorite color and why? Blue, there are so many shades that one always suits the mood or season

14) Drinks are on the house!! What do you order? Top shelf rum and coke

15.) What is one fashion trend (RIGHT NOW) that you wish would GO AWAY? 80's clothing

16) If you had been born a boy/girl instead of a girl/boy, what would your name have been? John

17) NEW What is your earliest child hood memory? I remember my oldest sister letting me fall off of a bed